It is that sacred and joyous of times, Boxing Day, and as such I am home alone with a pile of unwashed Christmas dinner dishes with no real motivation to do anything about it. Christmas was wonderful even if it was a quiet day with just the two of us. Now the boy is back at work, dealing with the madhouse that is Boxing Day sales, and I am on the sofa adding a few more things to this website. Specifically I just added a list of every major project I have ever written - the ones I can remember at least. I have to admit that I was surprised to see the list actually take shape the way that it did. I have this idea that I have only recently really become a writer of any sort, yet I can see just from writing out dates of works that I used to write far more when I was younger. I suppose the difference now is a question of quality. It pains me to even think about some of those earily pieces let alone read them. As simplistic as I may accuse Galen of being, it is no where near the horrible cliche writing of 13 year old me. That being said, I was pretty darn ambitious in writing at a very young age. Not many people know this but I struggled with reading and writing English for a great deal longer than most people my age, even the ones who did the same French program with me. Yet once I figured out the basics I was determined to write just about anything. I remember the first big work that I was determined to write. It was called Joanna and it was supposed to be a huge drama, mystery/courtroom sort of genre, and I had it all planned out. Then I reached the actual courtroom stuff, realized that I didn't know anything about law and didn't think a 12 year old (or however old I was at the time) had any business even trying to figure it all out. So I not only stopped writing but I completely trashed the 100+ pages of Word document.
Pre-teen me was not a great long-term thinker. And somehow I went from an actually pretty interesting and complex adult drama novel to a whimsical and cliche fantasy that was Legendary. Oh, I was so proud of that one. I made everyone read it. And I suppose for 13 it was a pretty good try at noveling, but the memory I have of its underdevelopment is haunting. That being said, I also haven't read it in a long long time. I still have it, somewhere it is all saved digitally and I have a full print-out of it on my bookshelf right now. I am my own worst reviewer, and I often latch onto the worst features of any of my works. I did the same thing with Galen when it was only half written. I thought that it would have to be completely redone and I was ready to do that, until I began actually reading it again and I surprised myself. It's been a year since I've read Galen and my attitude towards it is rather lukewarm now. I can only imagine what I will think of Freakhouse a year after it becomes published. At the moment I think that it is the greatest thing I've ever written, but I'm sure some part of me will turn to the darker side of things and remember only flaws.
There is some value in that, though. I would rather always be looking for new ways to grow than to have myself believe that I've mastered my art. I think that the mastery comes in the changing. I've mentioned it before, how I felt myself grow with my works, and since I do believe that my works choose me rather than me them, I suppose that seeing past works as below par from where I am now is a sign of my growth. Those works represent a time and a place that I was in during the writing of them, but even a day later I can be a completely new place, heading in a completely new direction. If I made every idea that popped into my head each day into a finished product, you can bet that I would have a much larger list of stories-that-shall-not-be-named.
Pre-teen me was not a great long-term thinker. And somehow I went from an actually pretty interesting and complex adult drama novel to a whimsical and cliche fantasy that was Legendary. Oh, I was so proud of that one. I made everyone read it. And I suppose for 13 it was a pretty good try at noveling, but the memory I have of its underdevelopment is haunting. That being said, I also haven't read it in a long long time. I still have it, somewhere it is all saved digitally and I have a full print-out of it on my bookshelf right now. I am my own worst reviewer, and I often latch onto the worst features of any of my works. I did the same thing with Galen when it was only half written. I thought that it would have to be completely redone and I was ready to do that, until I began actually reading it again and I surprised myself. It's been a year since I've read Galen and my attitude towards it is rather lukewarm now. I can only imagine what I will think of Freakhouse a year after it becomes published. At the moment I think that it is the greatest thing I've ever written, but I'm sure some part of me will turn to the darker side of things and remember only flaws.
There is some value in that, though. I would rather always be looking for new ways to grow than to have myself believe that I've mastered my art. I think that the mastery comes in the changing. I've mentioned it before, how I felt myself grow with my works, and since I do believe that my works choose me rather than me them, I suppose that seeing past works as below par from where I am now is a sign of my growth. Those works represent a time and a place that I was in during the writing of them, but even a day later I can be a completely new place, heading in a completely new direction. If I made every idea that popped into my head each day into a finished product, you can bet that I would have a much larger list of stories-that-shall-not-be-named.
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