Take that, NaNoWriMo 2014! It wasn't an easy year, but I was more determined than ever to not let myself down. One defeat in 6 years in quite enough, and with any luck (or sheer will power) I won't have to face one ever again!

I'm a little lost for words right now because I just submitted my other blog post, and as tempted as I am to just copy/paste all of that here, I'll let Writers & Artists have the bulk of my victory cheer for now. 

I've learned lessons, made mistakes, fudged a few things here and there, and no, I'm nowhere near a real first draft, but I've got my confidence up again, which is always the biggest hurdle for me to climb. It's going to take a lot of work to get White Rabbits readable, but if the story holds out, it will all be worth it in the end. 

I guess it's time for me to update my list of titles, now, eh? It's still early, but, let's face it, post NaNo novel completion is like pulling teeth. And this one has a lot of teeth that need pulling. I won't abandon it, though. I'll just clean it up, and start fresh. Remember, I've vowed to have this draft done before February, so if don't do it, let the come of shame videos begin!

Best of luck to those who are still racing against the clock today! I'm still cheering you on!

And if you've been following my journey: THANK YOU! Just knowing that someone's waiting to hear about my progress gives me that extra push to see it through. 

Now, where's my celebratory ice cream?!?!

So I made a declaration that I would make 45,000 for this weekend. Saturday I wrote 984 words. A very small dent in my 5,000 words I needed to cover before Monday. So you can guess what I've been doing all Sunday. 4,771 words just today! I. Am. Amazing!

Getting started has been the hardest part. With the changes that I need to make, I can't move forward until I fill in the gaps. The problem with filling in gaps in a NaNo draft is trying to find them. My scenes are so scattered with attempts and rewrites that it's so hard to navigate. I cannot wait until December 1st when I can take a wrecking ball to this draft and start using that delete button! I have no intention of demolishing this story, I still quite love it, it's just so cluttered that it's hard to maneuver. 

I've decided that novel writing and marble sculpting have a lot in common. The big difference, though, is that with novel writing you have to build your stone block first. That's the NaNo draft, a big pile of mess that hopes to be something. Post-NaNo draft is when the sculpting actually happens. The voices have spoken, the image is clear, now all you have to do is chip away all the "not story" until you can see her. Some sanding, some polishing, maybe even a little paint, and she'll be beautiful. But, damn, is it hard to love that clump of rock when you don't know where to attack it next. 

Clearly today's near 5,000 words is a sign that I got on a roll. There's still life in this story yet! 5,000 more words before Sunday and we can call this NaNo a wrap! Will any of that 5,000 get touched during the week or will I be doing another weekend sprint? No idea, but I have the feeling that this week won't be seeing too many daily posts. 

I'll definitely do a wrap up post, though! I promise!

It finally happened. Not just one day, but TWO FULL DAYS without adding even one word to my NaNo novel. I would hang my head down in greater shame, but let's look at where I actually am NaNo-wise. This time last year I had already stopped writing for a full week and never picked it back up again. This time the year before, I was probably trying to catch-up to the word goal. I may have dropped the ball for two days, but I had two weeks of amazing! Plus, I pretty much knew that I'd be taking at least one of these two days as a writing hit. 

In any event, I made up for it a little today. Pushed my word count past 40,000! So I can still aim for 45,000 for the end of the weekend! 

And "vorpal"? If you read the title of this post you might be wondering how "vorpal" fits in. Well, I realized that I hadn't included it in my story. I also realized how it fits in and there may or may not be a vorpal sword that makes a cameo... I don't think it goes snicker-snack though... sorry L.C.

Not looking forward to the ginormous story overhaul that awaits me though. I feel like I should have had more of this sorted before November. Clearly even my characters were fuzzy on the details. I guess that happens when you get overexcited. 

10,000 more words to go and then it's another NaNo season done for the year. Will I remember all of the lessons I've learnt this time around? Nope. Pre-NaNo brain is filled with hope, rainbows and sunshine. I'm in Mid-NaNo world, it isn't as pretty. Post-NaNo, however, is simply euphoria! But is also followed by a very big crash about an hour later. Why do I do this every year?!?!?

The 17th was another pathetic word day. 300 is hardly a great accomplishment, but I had an amazing night out so I think that has to count for something! If I didn't go out, I wouldn't have even noticed my birthday! So I think that the NaNo gods can make some allowances.

Also, if you read Day 16's post, you'll be glad to know that even now, on Day 18, I am in fact alive and well. So far nothing worse has happened *knock on wood*. I did have a moment of spontaneous inspiration which was going to lead me to re-write just about everything I have done so far, but as I was about to strike a line through things, I realized that there was a problem. There wasn't a way to actually do what I had imagined. There's a ban on mirrors, so needing multiple characters to be able to world jump can't actually happen. And no, I'm not lifting the ban, it's a very important rule. You can't have just anyone bouncing from one world to the other! It would be like the Dark Ages! 

It's scary how I can justify the actions in the world below. Just wait until we get to the part about human sacrifice. Yup, I've got a justification for that too. Doesn't that fit in that childhood psychopath test somehow? If you can justify why something immoral happened, it means that you must be one? Or is that something that only existed in my youth?

Somewhere someone is analyzing my posts and has a series of diagnoses for me, don't they? Or maybe I'm just over-analyzing myself because I'm married to a psych major? Hmm, I wonder if this Criminal Psychology stuff may be brushing off on me given the subject matter of this story? I am very prone to suggestion. I'm a sucker for anything on the menu that has a picture on it. Or seeing other patrons eating. I always want what they have!

I'm also thinking that this has something to do with why my word counts are getting harder to come up with. I'm ahead of all of my writing buddies. This doesn't usually happen. I always have someone to sprint after. The direness is lost. Nothing dire here. Direless wolves, that's all I've got... 

... and the rambling begins... I imagine that this post is a great predictor of what I'm going to have to work with once I get into revisions: "WTF WAS I THINKING?!?! NOTHING MAKES SENSE!!!" 

Good luck, Future Me. Past Me is tempted to be in bed for 8 o'clock. Oh the exciting life I lead! 

Tomorrow I expect to get to 40,000. This will make up for the writing I won't be able to do on Thursday. And I have no idea how I'll pull off 45,000 for Friday. Maybe by Sunday will be a nice compromise. That still gives me a lot of time to clear 50,000 a day or so early. Then NaNo gods help me keep writing when the drive is lost. Post-NaNo crash - brace yourselves fellow WriMo's!

Happy Writing!

So after my computer crash of Day 15, Day 16 was the house crash. My house has decided that in cold weather, the locks will never open. So I had the fun adventure of breaking into my own house, which I guess the positive side of that is that my house is not burglar friendly. I was saved only by the fact that I have skinny spidery arms that can get into tight spaces. 

What does this have to do with NaNoWriMo? Well, seeing that events in my life are escalating, I couldn't help but wonder if I will survive until November 30th. So I told a friend that I may need her to finish my NaNo for me in case I don't make it. It was a passing comment, but once I said it, I had to make good on it. So my word count for Day 16 is based purely on me laying down all of the spoilers. Sick joke, I know, but it is a useful one. I've laid down some bare bones but at least I've laid them down. Day 17-30 will all be about fleshing it out. It is far easier to flesh than to invent. So hopefully this means that my daily word count will be on the rise, at least back to 1,667. 

Busy week ahead, though, and I need to seriously start making better offerings to the gods of November, because they are out to get me!

I'm guessing that the universe decided that to celebrate the halfway point, it needed to do something big in true NaNoWriMo fashion. Thus, without warning - because everyone loves surprises - I discover SYSTEM ERROR, which proceeds to trap me in and endless loop of Blue Screen of Death. Thanks computer gods!

So what about my 30,000 words of NaNo novel?

Thank the Google gods for providing free digital space! Everything else on my computer has been wiped, so I'll figure out bit by bit what essentials I have now lost forever. For now, my novel survives. 33,000 words so far.

I just hope that there's no big bash for the 50,000 word mark!

My week of sad little word counts continue. I think I broke 1,000 words twice in the past week. Last night (Day 14) I pushed myself to add something to the page. 

I can't blame the story. I still like the story. And my characters are amazing, but I'm finding it difficult to connect when I have time to sit down and write. It's a misconception, at least for me, that a writer can go forever when inspiration strikes. In the past, sitting in the lecture hall usually gave me the greatest spontaneous inspiration and my notebooks would have all sorts of story outlines scrawled in the margins. I think I've mention this before, but it's a little different now that I'm the one giving the lessons. I actually can't start scrawling all over their homework pages just because I'd rather be in my other world than the real one. I'm also understanding why others in my field are still "one day" dreamers, one's who would love to pursue something big but can't find an opening. Nothing scared me more last year than not completing NaNo. I didn't, and still don't, want to fall into the "I want to, but can't right now" category. I'm stubborn that way. And I should give myself credit. Week Two is always harder than Week One during NaNo season. The fact that even my pathetic little numbers are still coming along means that I'm already outdoing many of my past years. 

I remember when I went to live in England, and I involved myself in absolutely every opportunity to be apart of the community, to travel and explore, all while aiming for straight A's, which I received in every class except for Dr. Scott's - was still an awesome class though, with the best field studies! Anyways, the point is that I as much as I wanted to continue to participate in NaNoWriMo, I told myself that it would be okay if I didn't win that year. I was doing amazing once-in-a-lifetime things, and I needed to be in those moments. I was living a dream, removing myself from the real-world would be stupid. 

Not only does my brain feel out of order today, but my (pitiful) contributions for tonight are actually out of order as well. I couldn't bring myself to end the day without a few new words added, but I also didn't have it in me to continue to story. What I did have, though, was the beginning. As you know, this story is all about playing with perspectives, at least for me as I'm writing it. And it has felt like something was missing only watching Mary Ann disappear from Lewis's perspective; half of the magic is being called by the magic. So that was it for tonight, going back to the beginning and hearing the call. The first white rabbit to encounter, the one that announces the end of innocence forever. Not bad for a measly 284 words. But it all adds up in the end. I've passed 30,000 tonight with those few words. 5 days ahead of schedule. So I'll take the brain-dead hit tonight, as I have been most weekdays now, knowing that even these tough days are still victories if even 5 words reach the page. I might be out of order, but I'm not out of the game.

Happy Writing!

I think that I'm dedicating this post to Sir Ken Robinson. I don't think that I intentionally call upon the genius of great minds when I write, but since there are so many who can string together words far more eloquently than I, it makes sense that I'd think of them at some point.

So what does this have to do with NaNoWriMo Day 12? Well if you read Day 11, you know that I was getting frustrated with how things have been coming along. Not the whole thing, just the recent things. My attempts were feeling more forced than flowing. I also, midway through blogging, had a thought that might just save things. Not save what I had written, that was clearly just putting me into a corner with little hope of escape. No, my hope of escape is to demolish what was and run over it with the new plans. Except that this is NaNoWriMo so the delete button must be used sparingly. Highlighting text is the best solution, and can be really a life saver during the revision stage! 

Now, I have no idea if those two days of writing essentially nothing lead me to this or not, but either way I have no regrets about making those attempts. For all I know, it is trying on the things that don't work that help get me on the right path.

This is why my post today is dedicated to Sir Ken Robinson. In one of his talks about education and creativity, he mentions that children are amazingly natural creative thinkers because they aren't concerned about "right". It's not that they don't want to be "right", it's just that the fear of being "wrong" isn't scripted in yet. So if they don't know what is "right", they'll just try whatever feels like will fit at the time. Unlike us adults who get all self-conscious and would rather sit out the dance than risk being seen not performing the right steps. Children will YMCA to anything if that's the dance that moves them... Okay, I've already ventured away from Sir Ken Robinson and am on a tangent of my own invention now, but the ideas are essentially the same. The point is that I feel like that's what I've been doing with this year's NaNoWriMo. I feel like I've allowed myself to just "have a go" and see what happens, hang the consequence, because, let's face it, if it's a stupid idea, no one needs to know about it because it's the freaking first draft!!! And I'm not ashamed to admit that I've been writing things that will all end up on the cutting room floor - the metaphorical one that is pretty much just the delete button. I have made my poor Detective fall unconscious at least five times now only to restart the scene from the top in my next writing session. I can't help but picture Stranger Than Fiction when I write, so while it's kind of a funny picture to imagine that somewhere is a Lewis Hatfield being drugged over and over again never to actually get anywhere, another part of me has to wonder what the consequence would be if I went through the same process with killing a character. Would they just get up again or would a new being just catch up with us?

And I'm on another tangent... This happens. But, guess what? My inner four year-old doesn't give a damn! It feels like the right direction so let's have a go of it! If it crashes and burns, it's only words on a page. It's only a little moment of minor ridicule, and if I own it like  champ, well, it really can't hurt me at all, can it? So I would like to imagine that writing this year's NaNoWriMo is like clothes shopping. I'm writing a new style that I've never fit into before, so I'm still not entirely sure which racks to choose from. Rather than duck out of the store altogether or just stick to the familiar, I'm trying it all on. Looks hideous on display? Well so did my prom dress, but I rocked that thing like a freaking princess! So that's what I'm doing, I'm trying on new scenes, and when it doesn't work, I try on the next one. Having this much variety in my characters has given me the advantage of being able to find flow rather than force it. I've re-started so many scenes by just putting a new character at the helm. Future me is going to go insane come revision day, but that's like future me looking at the credit card bill after the shopping spree. For now, I'm just going in with the idea of having fun and discovering something new. I'll try it all on, I'll have a go, because when it comes to writing, something on the page is already a million times better than walking away empty handed!

Happy Writing!

I don't know if it's this patch of the story, or just me, but the past two days have not been great writing days. They have been good real life productive days, but I'm still working through this one section where the action has all slowed. It really shouldn't linger this long, and maybe it's because of how many times I've tried to write it out that it seems like it's taking forever when clearly, just look at my word count, I'm not taking up all that much space with it. The action has so far been pinned on urgency. I've lost some of that urgency. Again, it's just that this part is pretty much filled with calm and groggy people, so no one's moving too quickly. I might have to look at attacking it a different way that I find more appealing, but I think the best course of action is to just push forward with what I have and dive into the next step. There are layers of exciting things still to come, so I can't be hung up on this one little part for too long.

... Great, even as I'm typing this I'm thinking about alternative approaches. But I'm so sleepy and can't write these ideas right now... Well, let's see what lingers come the morning. If it's meant to be, it'll be unavoidable. 

Just hoping that I can keep some momentum between weekends. 861 words is not a great victory. Then again, this was yet another day I thought about just going to bed without adding to the novel, so even if they were 861 lousy words, they were still a step in the right direction. And, besides, my frustration might just lead me to a better path. I'll try the Knave's perspective next. If urgency is my go-to, no one will be more annoyed with the Detective's arrival than my Knave. He's the one with a lot to lose right now.

Happy Writing!