Category: Personal - Ashley Newell

Yay For Moms Who Get It

4/10/2019

Storytime.

The day, today. The place, Costco.

3 year old is in the cart seat. The 6 month old is in the front-facing carrier/backpack. Why? Because that's the only way I can get two kids into Costco and still have room to get groceries.

All is well. There is a hot dog sample and that keeps 3 year old very happy for our relatively quick trip.

Then comes checkout.

7 month old starts wailing. But I've come prepared! Now I'm pushing the cart with one hand and one elbow, while trying to keep a bottle propped up into the baby's mouth.

It's daytime so the checkout isn't a total zoo. Each open lane is about 3 people deep. I just wheel over to the closest one. The lines move quickly so I'm pushing, realigning, adjusting bottle. Couple in front of me are only buying a gift card so I really need to start unloading my cart to keep things going. Cue me trying to lift a bag of flour with one hand (not the giant one, the moderate "I-don't-need-no-man" sized one).

Checkout assistant AND the mom behind me with her own kid in the cart flock towards my cart, and in the time that I can pull out the bag of bread, they have totally unloaded it.

"You're doing enough Moming," says the lady behind me.

After having two days from Hell with the teething baby, I really needed a moment of "You aren't a total F*** up, Darling!"

So, thank you other Moms.

Tough Times and an Opportunity

1/16/2019

It's a weird time right now. Everyone seems to be doing a little worse. Every time I speak to someone, it seems like they are losing a job or working their butt off and still not scraping by. And this isn't even considering the mass of people in the US who are working unpaid right now.

It's hitting us at home too. Even a "secure" job like teaching gets its tight spots. I was deemed about 30 hours short of being eligible for EI while on maternity leave - recorded hours, of course, not the physical hours that I went in during my off-hours for meetings, conferences, putting on the spring play, etc. And my husband who decided to become a teacher for more stable work has found himself still on the sub list. Has worked exactly 2.5 days so far this month. He was supplementing with a retail job, but, alas, seasonal layoffs. So we scramble, trying to figure out if paying $3500 for childcare makes it any better if I return to work, or if my husband can balance 4-5 jobs until our infant doesn't cost infant rates.

When times get tough, art shines brighter. I can still be part of this. I've been mentoring, critiquing, and offering editing creative writers for years. My first job was business administration, and that gave me over 10 years of business writing and editing, not to mention the countless resumes I've had to re-write and re-format. And I've been a public school contracted teacher for over 5 years now, teaching the foundations of essays, paragraphs, short-writing, script-writing, and, yes, still helping with resumes and cover letters.

Before I consider myself stuck, I'm going to try to lead with what I do best: make great writing.

I started a page. MOM'S RED PEN Editing and Tutoring Services. I've spent years wondering if this is something I should get into, but it wasn't until I met up with another professional in the industry that my doubts about it seemed silly. "You're more qualified than you think." And if I really look at myself and what I've done, it's true. Do you have any idea how many aspiring writers go gaga just in finding out that I have a degree? I used to laugh it off, but looking at other people offering these same services, that is often the extent of their credentials. Not to diminish the quality work that editors without a degree can do, I know a lot of great self-made people. The point is that I've got the paper, the experience, and have earned the trust of people for years without considering myself a true professional. Now that times are getting tough, I have to use what I have, and what I have is an opportunity that I've been wasting.

So here it is, MOM'S RED PEN Editing and Tutoring Services, also available on Facebook.
I made a conscious decision to keep my Editing Services separate from this site. So while I may post a few Editing Tip related blog posts, this should be the extent of my advertising on here. And since that's the case, I'm just going to go ahead and plop all of the ways that you can help out:
MOM'S RED PEN Editing and Tutoring Services
Ko-fi.com/anewell
https://www.patreon.com/newellbooks

Of course, there are also the free ways you can help. You can share these pages, send them to your friends and acquaintances who you think would genuinely be interested, and brag about any experiences you've have with my work. And if you have had experiences with my work, you can also help by leaving reviews about them. Reviews make sales, so if you haven't left one yet, take a few minutes out of your day and post a review on Goodreads, Amazon, Chapters Indigo, or even on your own blog.

Times are tough out there, and when we can help each other, we all get to grow.

NaNoWriMo & Coffee

11/4/2018

Already this is a strange post for those of you who know me well. NaNoWriMo? Sure, you knew it was coming and shouldn't be surprised at all. Well, maybe a little bit surprised about my doing it with a one month old and nearly three year old toddler, but then you'd also realize that the crazier it seems, the more likely I'd be attempting it.

No, the part that has you boggled is the coffee. "But," you might begin to ask, "you don't drink coffee?" And that, my friends, is completely true (except, apparently during intense exam marking trapped in a little room in June for 6 straight hours, then I will down all of the ice caps! "But, that's not exactly coffee either," you might say, and you'd be completely right, it's pretty much a chilled melted down Coffee Crisp, which, oddly enough, I don't like eating either, not that I really enjoy the ice cap, it's more of a survival necessity that at that point...

But I digress... This post is intended to be celebratory, encouraging, and a little bit pathetic. So let's begin with celebratory!

CELEBRATORY:
I am 4 days into NaNoWriMo and have fought my way to being 2 full days ahead of the expected word count! Much rejoicing! Secondly, do you remember any of my mentioning on pretty much every media platform that I wanted to put together a parent-writer write-in where there was on-site childcare? Well, it is done. I have a venue, and I have a few willing participants. Every Monday for November I will be taking up my post, ready to greet other writers who struggle to attend regular writing events. This is a huge achievement for me; I threw an idea out into the world and I made the world respond!

ENCOURAGING:
You might also be aware that I performed a pretty sudden social media disappearing act this past year. I had a surge of writerly spirit lift me into a variety of writing support groups, and then I noticed that my writing dried up, and then so did my participation. So this is where you come in. Writing is a very isolating activity. And outside of NaNoWriMo, it can feel like a fool's errand - and let's face it, NaNoWriMo is already a pretty big fool's errand. I've got two kids to juggle, a husband facing a career crisis, and I'm am going to have to make some pretty important decisions about the future of my own career going forward. I don't want to drop the writing ball again. I want to bring you more stories. I want to get out with the other writers. I want to meet my readers.

I am going to need help to keep this going. I am going to need your help. I need your help already. I need just a couple of people to take enough interest to ask me how the projects are going. I need just a couple of people to remind me about the parts of my books and stories that you liked; please, gush away and often!

As you've probably guessed, we've already transitioned into the PATHETIC:
Now, before I continue, I need to emphasis that IT IS NOT pathetic to ask for help, but the truth is that it somehow always feels like it is, at least for those of us who would rather trudge though Hell alone than bother anyone with our problems. It's a very vulnerable place, asking people to help you feel that you matter. It's a very vulnerable place asking people to help you get through your day. I hate it. But I hate the silence more.

This is where the Coffee comes in. I have recently signed-up for a page on Ko-Fi, a site that allows creators to be vulnerable and ask for small contributions to help us get through the day or the week, and so it is framed as a cup of coffee. The idea of supporting an artist can seem daunting when you yourself are not as financially secure as you would like to be, but one genius behind this website figured out that when you change the frame, you change minds. I have already given a few coffees anonymously to people I don't know well, but who I've encountered on or offline on a couple of occasions. I personally found it easier to justify, despite my own current lack of income, that I could still afford to buy a good person one cup of coffee. And so I am putting an idea out into the world again and hoping to make the world respond - one cup of coffee at a time.

So I will ask, if you can spare it, for that one cup of coffee, even just one to take with me to my Monday write-in's this month. That's only 4 days. 4 cups of coffee.

And if you need that occasional cup of coffee, send me your Ko-Fi address. Send everyone your Ko-Fi address. We can all spare one cup of coffee.

Writing With Kids

8/19/2018

I know that I said that I would keep my writing-related expectations low while I try to get back into the game, but after attending When Words Collide this year, I walked out with a calling that I can't seem to shake.

You see, for all of the inspirational panels available this year, about writing, writing communities, beginning the process, getting through the middle, and the "Now What?" stage of completion, I felt that there was still something lacking. Yes, I was inspired to want to write, but even trying to attend these sessions was near impossible as my husband and I play "pass the toddler".

I know that many other people have this child-care thing all figured out (okay, maybe it just feels like everyone else but us has this child-care thing all figured out). We don't have family here that we can just summon over, and my husband has been very dead-set against trying to hire through a service (he is against a lot of hiring of services), and while we do have the little one in daycare, that does not help with any evening/weekend events. So unless one of our childless friends just so happen to not be having a life for one day, it's been between us coordinating who gets to do something while the other is solo parent. I don't even mean going out, I mean trying to get something done for an hour at home. And the more independent our little one gets, the more mischief he gets into. He is really into dumping things right now, just over-turning drawers, boxes, even full cups or food containers, and then moving on to the next thing to dump. And he's fast. I went to put all of his clothing drawers back in his room and then I hear the lego tub being dumped on the floor downstairs... didn't hear the drawers of the art caddy being overturned so that was a surprise...

Toddler chasing, constant pick-up, and being painfully pregnant where the nausea and tailbone pain has been an everyday reality for these past 8 months, has been exhausting. Honestly, I can't even get half of the things out of the fridge without needing to sit down on the floor to see it/grab it because I physically cannot bend most of the time - and then I get to spend 3 minutes trying to get myself back up... So I would consider this to be one of the contributing factors to my lack of writing lately. And because I have the support group of 1, the one I'm married to, it's also very isolating. So I basically have two mentally draining jobs that are totally isolating activities: parenting and writing. Teaching is less isolating but the mental/emotional exhaustion is pretty brutal too.

Part of the reason that I got so active in the Twitter writing chats was to try to feel attached to a writing community again. I'm awkward enough at social events, add an active toddler into the mix and then I'm just parenting in a new environment, which is twice as much work. And even if the in-person writer gatherings are "child-friendly", the truth is that what they really mean is "child-tolerant, provided that we can easily ignore that there are children present." And I don't blame them for that. I can't get work done with my kid to look out for, so why would I expect other people to. And this is being said from my perspective. I actually get a lot of compliments about how well-behaved my kid is when we drag him out in public. It's me who is hyper-sensitive about it. There is no shutting off my parenting brain, and so there is no point to me joining in these activities when I can't really take part in them. And that is defeating and frustrating because it just leads me to perpetuate the isolation. On top of that, to feel both justified and guilty about it. I chose to have a child, it wasn't something sprung on me, and so the consequence is being 100% mom. And yet the world is filled with advice on how to balance these things with easy little changes: wake up 15 minutes earlier, get the kids to bed 10 minutes earlier, pre-plan your weekly meals. Great, that all sounds really great, but it can be a two-hour battle to get my kid down for sleep. My physically being up earlier has never, NEVER, resulted in my brain being up any earlier. Pre-planning meals might sound great, but there's trying to fit in the grocery shopping, having a bunch of leftovers because little one doesn't feel like eating, and I'm pregnant and will just have no desire to eat something that I ate perfectly fine the day before. My parenting life is an organic experience, intended to be based on a routine that is apparently more like the Pirate's Code than actual rules.

Enjoying my parenting rant?

I am. And this has been what has been on my mind lately. I've even burst into tears over it in the car on the way to When Words Collide because it makes me feel like I am neither qualified to be a writer or a parent, and that I'm mentally deranged for even thinking about doing both. And that's not fair. I know that many people who attended the event have children of varying ages. And I'm sure that attendance could have been doubled (if there were double the tickets) if those parents who didn't feel trapped could actually participate with confidence, be present as a writer and not just a guilty parent.

So this is the source of my new-found calling. There has to be a way to have a writing community for parents. Not a write-in where we all rotate watching one-another's children, because, let's face it, that's pretty much just being 100% parent and 0% writer. I want to be able to write without feeling guilty. And then I had an epiphany. What about organizing write-ins for parents where there is already a child-minding service on-site? I don't know why I haven't thought of it before, especially since I know exactly where to find such a space. The community centre across the street from my house has a public library, a swimming pool, ice rink, large gyms, loads of programming, and rentable meetings rooms. It also has a child-minding service available to people who are using the facilities intended for this very purpose, so that mom and dad don't have to choose between going to the gym, or taking that fitness class, or that art social, or whatever else they need to do.

This is my new goal. I want to look into coordinating with the centre, figuring out child-minding hours and scheduling around various events that they host, to carve out some parent writing time. Obviously I could do this easily on my own by just sitting in the library while my child attends the daycare, but I can't be the only person in our vast writing community who needs this opportunity.

I've got about 5 weeks before #2 comes out. I've got 2.5 months before NaNoWriMo begins. I want to do this. I need to do this.

Tea Quest: Forever Nuts

6/8/2017

This was one I was eager to try. I know many people love Forever Nuts and it smells pretty darn good.

Now the question you are all waiting on: Did I like it or not?

Well, I don't dislike it.

But I can't say that I like it either.

While there is zero "ew" factor in this quirky combo, there's zero any factor.

It tastes like nothing. I mean, it tastes like hot water, but aside from being a funky pink colour I really could have been drinking water right out of the kettle.

Forever Nuts is advertised as being perfect for almond lovers. Well, I do like almonds. This did not taste like almonds. It tasted like nothing.

I know. I know. I'm really not good at this tea thing.
Tea drinkers everywhere are probably torn as to whether or not it would be worth it to just chuck their tea at me in disgust... thankfully tea drinkers would never do anything so wasteful to their precious tea so I'm safe...for the moment.

...Please don't give these folks coffee... Please.

Tea Quest: Iced Sour Appletini

5/22/2017

Double post today! As I mention in the previous post, I went to restock. And while there they had sample cups ready and I thought "Hey, that totally counts!" so here goes another verdict, this time on an iced tea! This is kind of a big deal because normally I forget what I just had as soon as I leave the store so there's never a post about it.

On the tray today: Sour Appletini (Iced Tea)

Well the first sip is when the sour hits, but after that it isn't as strong. A little sweet, a little refreshing, and please remember that I'm not a tea girl even in ice tea form, so thus far this is a compliment. I did finish my sample cup... which is like two tablespoon's worth, so it wasn't super hard or anything. Would I finish a whole glass of it? Hard to say. I would probably nurse it over an hour or so.

Now my quest has been the hunt for hot beverage, so the iced tea thing isn't really helping me narrow that list. I will have to double this post one day when I try it hot.

This wasn't one of the ones that I purchased so bear with me as I make my way back to this one later on.

Verdict: Willing to try it hot. No promises beyond that.

Tea Quest: Strawberry Rhubarb Parfait

5/22/2017

I recently bought more tea at David's and realized that I forgot to post about one!
So here is my encounter with Strawberry Rhubarb Parfait.

Similar to Birthday Cake, this one smells amazing. Also similar is how the amazing becomes watered-down "use-to-be-amazing" in tea form. That being said, I think this one can get away with it slightly better than the drowned cake. And while it is not one that I would go rushing to order again, I will probably try it in iced tea for this summer. While I am not the biggest fan of actual tea iced teas, I have survived David's iced samples better than icky American restaurant iced tea.

Verdict: Worthy of a second date. We didn't kiss on the front porch as we said goodbye, but I'm not going to delete his number just yet. I mean, I know we won't be forever, we have no romantic future ahead of us, but I also don't think that I need to dive into an open dumpster to avoid making eye contact should we pass each other on the street.

Who knows, we just might be summer BBQ friends if he proved to be cool in all the right ways...

To The Stage!

5/12/2017

Since I just posted a series of semi-depressing tweets, let's skip over to one of the posts I owe this blog that isn't depressing at all!

I did a thing!

Two things in my life really helped to give me joy and purpose. Writing stories was one. Theatre was the other. Well, I'm proud to say that I got back on that stage.

It hasn't been for a lack of trying... well, not a total lack. I do tend to have a few runs of "quit kidding yourself, girl!" and then I stop trying for a good long while.

But it was a small production with a local church group. And best of all it involved zero singing. So I took a chance, and they called me back for a part. It was a short run in a silly and semi-dated ensemble comedy, but I loved it.

Every now and then I find myself in a moment where I feel truly happy, that my best self is stepping out into the world, and that this is where I'm supposed to be. Having a stage again was one of those moments. And now I'm going to try not to get in my own way and get a bit more involved. Of course, as I say this I have been staring at a number to call for a week now. Just one little acting class, just to keep this spark going. So why haven't I called them yet?

I might need a boost. Or a hand to hold. Or a hug. Or someone to hold the baby while I try to pry the phone away from his little death-grip hands...

We'll see what happens.

Tea Quest: Super Ginger

4/21/2017

Can't say that I'm not determined to try something new. Super Ginger: ginger and black pepper. Not a flavour combo I would typically chose to drink, but for the sake of science - er... I mean my pointless quest - why not?

The moment I opened her up and took a whiff, I knew I was in trouble. Whoa that's a strong smell - and, yes, it smelled like awful...

But! I did previously consume a tea that smelled like delicious, and it was no so in liquid form. So I went for it!

I will say this, it doesn't taste as awful as it smelled. It didn't taste good, but it definitely smelled worse. And boy did this one have bite. It doesn't bite you right away. I braced myself for it, thought I was mistaken, but by the 2nd sip I realized "There it is!"

I made it to about four sips before abandoning this cup.

Verdict: Hell no.

But, hey, I'm proud of myself for trying something new!

Tea Quest: Mother's Little Helper

4/18/2017

With my success with Cold 911, I thought that the peppermint component of Mother's Little Helper might be a success. After all, I've already finished half the box of Cold 911 and we have become fairly good friends. Now that I'm not as sick, my desire to have tea in general has gone down, but I'm still going forward. And as I said above, going with a similar blend as the one I don't mind seemed like a good idea.

Well I could definitely taste the peppermint and the lemongrass. Much more potent than the Cold 911. But there was also a hint of *gag*. No, I'm not clearly my throat preparing to say the missing ingredient. I'm not sure which ingredient it is - my guess is the chamomile, but I didn't do a scientific study on this, so I could be wrong. Nonetheless, I got through three sips and there it sat.

Verdict: Pass. Just pass.

I would take the drowned cupcake over this any day. It's not the worst. It was a hint of *gag*, not instant *gag*, so I suppose that's something, isn't it?

I am so not a tea person... onward anyway!