Today's tip comes from a common writing issue I've seen in varying degrees: The Roll-call. This common mistake often presents itself in the very first three chapters (or within every 6 chapters if the writer is trying to achieve a Tolkien/Brooks epic fantasy), and somehow manages to achieve the complete opposite effect from what the writer who uses it intended it to do. 

So what is the Roll-call? 

Okay, so it isn't THAT bad, but this should set the stage for you. 

Just as in school, the Roll-call is the lengthy list of names that the writer is expecting you to commit to memory. The idea is that if you introduce everyone important all at once, perhaps because they have to be in the same room together at the same time, then we can get that pesky intro out of the way and dive right into the story!

There are varying degrees of how this is achieved. Yes, the epic fantasy writer/reader might be all for Bart, son of Bartholomew, son of Botswana, son of Banana Republic, but unless this is a series and I as an audience member have heard of the epic adventures of Sir Banana Republic, at least by reputation (sorry Tolkien), then it's not actually telling me much about the character, and I will probably forget about all of this by the third title anyways. Now, if this mode of introduction is common among the culture of your characters, reserve it for a FEW select formal occasions of dialogue (or sarcastic banter if it's appropriate), but for the love of all that is holy, please do not use the page-long epithet every time you use your character's name. I know that there is a long tradition in ancient bardic stories to do this, but there's good reasons for those: 
#1: The tales are legend, not story, and all of those epithet titles actually already have meaning to the listeners because other stories exist that describe those people or those events in their own narrative tale.
#2: Meter. Ancient bards from pre-literate societies needed to follow a rhythm pattern if they had any hope of memorizing the epic song (yes, it was more song-like than reading out "Chapter One"), and to keep the rhythm in the right meter, select epithets would be used to ensure that the beat would flow more naturally in each line. It made the tale easier to memorize and to recite. 
#3: It made you the more popular bard. If you wanted the big tip at the end of the night, you really needed to impress your patrons. So you could name-drop from of your patron's heroic family tree, or his favourite battles into the tale you were telling, and because you mastered the meter, you do it like a beatbox pro and wow everyone with your mad improv skills! Plus, if you could really get that rhyme going, I mean really string it along, it almost stops mattering what any of it has to do with the story because it's a performance and you just wowed everyone in the room who can't believe that you haven't broken the meter yet or run out of things to say... Clearly you have more skills than Billy the Bard and his pitiful 8 title epithets!

Basically, unless you are going to recite your entire story off-script during an open-mic night, this type of writing doesn't work out so well for... well, writing!

That's enough history. Back to the common Roll-call.

Chapter One: Here is my main character and all of the wonderful things about her, and all of the faults that she's very self-conscious about. And here are all of her friends, what they look like, their quirky traits, and the one detail that doesn't seem that important but must be because I've mentioned it about six times. Friend One. Friend Two. Friend Three. Friend Four. End with jazz hands!

I have recently critiqued two very different novels who have essentially used this exact pattern (well, maybe minus the jazz hands) for very different reasons.

First Novel: The SWAT Team
A whole team that's about to be deployed, and each one is a friend of the other, and they each have their own unique set of specialization and skills. So it's like a parody action movie opening credit sequence where each one runs out, has a freeze frame, and then a label pops up underneath that reads "The Hot One", or "The Funny One". Except this was neither a movie nor a parody nor a comedy. And despite all of the very unique traits that were described about these people, there were, like, ten people on this team, and once they were in position, they were still just names to me, I couldn't remember who was the big guy or who had a crush on who. And none of that information really even mattered while they were on the job!

Okay, rant aside, how do we fix this?

Don't tell me all of the details. If they're relevant, I should see it in action. Is the bad guy intimidated by the big bruiser headed right for him? Are there flirtatious quips being exchanged between the two love-dovy characters? 

First step: Go back and erase every instance where you had to explain a character's trait using a 3rd person narrator. 

Second step: Have someone re-read your story. Have them keep a list of characters they encounter and what they learn about them as they read, including impressions that they inferred as they went. Yes, it has to be someone else because you already know too much about these people and will probably read more into it than is actually on the page.

Third step: Consult your reader and their list. If you notice a lot of blank space beside character names, it's decision time: do you go back and develop this character because their presence is essential to the plot? is this a minor character who is more prop than person and thus can disappear into the ether once their purpose is complete? or does this person serve no point at all other than being appealing to you, as in, you wanted to fit in a character who was just like the check-out guy at Best Buy, or you have a fascination with symmetry and just needed that extra dude to make it a round number? Don't think of cutting characters from the team like sentencing them to the guillotine, they aren't dead forever; think of it as sending them back to the lobby, they'll just be reading magazines and looking at cat memes on their phones until the right story comes along. They'll be fine. 

Fourth Step: Get a new reader. Rinse repeat. Don't focus on whether or not your readers notice every little thing about each character. But if there's something huge, like they've made it to the end and they don't know who the "chosen one" is, revise, revise, revise!

So why did this author fall into this common writing trap? Because they were told to. 

I wish I was making this part up. 

A huge obstacle for writers is getting over their own anxiety and self-doubt. And so they look out to anything and anyone that will tell them the secret to good writing. And they follow, as best they can, all of the advice that they come across.

When I made my first Writing Tip post, I did try to warn you all that any tips I give you aren't gospel. You don't HAVE to follow everything I say just because I claim to have good ideas about improving your work. If anything, in my first two posts, I hoped to share with you that I make mistakes too! 

And while I could have reduced this series of long-winded posts into one blunt "Top Ten Writing Mistakes" list, it wouldn't achieve what I'm actually hoping to do here. I don't want to share another vague list. If you really don't know where to start, there are hundreds of them out there. But I also don't want to make you think that there is a "one size fits all" way of writing. Thus these examples I'm offering are pretty specific to the type of work that they were meant to suit.

This author was trying to re-create several writing formulas, and along the way, added in a whole mess of things that actually overpowered the very simple story she had intended to write. This is why her characters were so disjointed from their introduction to their action. 

Sometimes you need to forget what you're supposed to do. Especially if it doesn't mesh with the work you're actually trying to create.

Second Novel: The Chosen Gang

1st person narrative. She has been chosen. Her three friends have also been chosen. 
All of the epic magical things that happen to her.
Regroup: "That totally happened to me too!"
More epic magic things happen to her.

Like the previous example, this ended up being a very disjointed array of characters. Yes, our first person narrator was able to tell us about who these people are, what they look like, and how she feels about them, but then they disappear until it's absolutely necessary for them to do something relevant. First-chapter roll-call, and then I learn nothing about them from that point on. 

How did this happen?

Because decisions are hard. Investing in characters is hard. Developing characters is hard. Focusing on just one person feels less daunting. It can be easier to see yourself in one character and just use her as your personal outlet and your narrative vessel. The issue is that everything else around that character just becomes fodder if you aren't willing to open up to them too. Writing characters is a very personal endeavour!

So what to do? Decision time!

Are you really just wanting to explore life through an alter ego of yours? If so, then drop the genre formula and dedicate yourself to a literary fiction style of narrative. Doesn't mean that you can't do so in a magical world, but you're going to drop the need for complex subplots, and just focus on what your character is experiencing.

Or, is your heart really set on the plotline? Then you need to go back to your characters and decide, once again, who's a lead, who's supporting, and who's an extra. If you are committed to keeping your characters as key components to your plot, you need to work out what's at stake for them. They can't just be conveniently standing in the sidelines to use the special skill that only they possess. They have to be on a personal journey of their own as well.

I think that I will leave it here for this week. I'm at the ready to dive into character development, but this post is already super long, so stay tuned for next week as I walk you through character motivation and plot/subplot!

So I had a silent moment of realization that made me kind of hate myself today.

For some background, once upon a time I used to do a lot of theatre. Then I moved to the big city and 5 years later I can't get past the callback round. I mean, I got really close last year, and the director went on and on about how talented I was and that she really really wanted to give me the part because I played it so naturally - but I had the wrong face.

I get it. I have a babyface, which is awkward because I'm not petite. I'm very busty, but also very plain. I don't fit very much.

Some months I get into a slump and don't feel like bothering. Other months I get revved up again because I miss it so much. I've been collecting a series of rejections and empty voids of silence until the final cast is announced. 

Anyways, just today a new audition post went up. I read through the character descriptions. Two female roles. My age range. Both described as "beautiful". 

Next!

Isn't that awful?

I mean, I'm pretty sure that I've reacted this way to a number of parts, but this was the first time that I actually took conscious notice of me doing it. 

Caught between that feminist voice that says I'm beautiful because I'm me, and the media-drenched society that we currently live in that says, you're cute kid, but, you ain't THAT. 

I know what you're waiting for. You're waiting for me to tell you that I bucked up the courage to apply anyways, and damn it, I'm going to wow the pants off of them!

But I don't feel very wow. And while I'm trying my darnest to incorporate the things in my life that I used to love despite me deciding to live out the practical side of life, I do hit these slumps where I start to think that maybe I have been out of the game too long. I'm not even 30 yet, and some days I feel like I've gotten to old to dream outside of the box anymore.

I know this must sound silly coming from someone who is actively posting about writing and trying to sell her books, because that's a pretty big dream too. But these are the up's and down's I suppose. 

I've said it a thousand times on this blog, I am my own worst critic. And right now, I think that side is winning, not because I didn't think that me and the word beautiful could live harmoniously in the same sentence, but because, even after catching myself in that thought, I can still justify it. 

I was once. I never thought so at the time, and when I did look back at pictures of myself I audibly screamed out "I was freaking hot! Why didn't anyone tell me!?!?!?" Knowing full well that some people did try, and, just like now, I didn't have it in me to actually believe them. 

But I also haven't looked like that since I was 17, so I'll have to settle for "but you're still beautiful on the inside!"

I don't consider myself to be particularly vain. And I don't know why I'm even posting this publicly other than the fact that I can't keep a private journal to save my life. I'm not looking for affirmation of any sort, or a feminist support group to pop up to give me a "go get 'em" pep talk. 

Just an observation followed by very strong mixed feelings. 

Perhaps this is why I've been focused on writing so much more in this stage of my life. At least literary rejection contains elements that I actually do have control over and can change. My words can be whatever I need to make them be. 

Somewhere there's a first year psychology student adding this as one more citation to a paper that's due in five hours. I am curious what observations they're making.

I didn't expect to get such a great response from last week's post, but I'm glad that some of you found it helpful after all!

Today I'm once again going to bring forward a note that I got for my own work. 

"Get off the phone!" 
No, I wasn't writing and texting. No my characters weren't having an excruciatingly long night of "You hang up first." "No you hang up first!". This all came down to the classic mantra "Show, don't tell." Apparently I let three of my chapters get very "tell-y" and less "show-y". 

This has to be my biggest criticism writing peeve. It's so easy to say to a person, and yet, once it's on the page, it can be so hard to re-write. When you're reading someone else's work, you can spot it a mile away. Well, maybe not a mile, but you'll know it when you realize that you're skipping over huge chunks of description to get to the good stuff.

As a reader, I'm super dialogue focused. I've had to run back to previous passages because the dialogue alone was not meant to carry me forward. Probably why I had zero issues with the physical reading of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - scripts are usually a pretty natural read for me. 

DO NOT, take the above example and start making your work-in-progress totally dialogue exchange - I mean, unless that's what you were going for. What I was trying to get at is that lengthy description has its time and place, but where you don't want it is in scenes that should push your plot forward. And by that I mean in the actual SCENE. If there is no movement in the scene, if I cannot see what your characters are doing, if I'm just reading about it within the newspaper version of what your characters have done, then you need to step back and think about the action. Who is DOING what? Sure you can describe what the DOING looks like, but just as we get annoyed with our friends who talk about all of the amazing things they are going to do and then never seem to do it, we get equally annoyed with reading about things that happened behind the scenes. 

Now the reason I hate this note isn't just because it is a pretty big deal when you fall into this writing trap; it's because the solution to digging yourself out of it is so situation specific. It'll change per book, per character, per chapter, etc. 

I'm very lucky not to have had "Show, don't tell!" thrown at me as the one and only piece of advice as, unfortunately, many writers have had thrown at them from editors and potential agents. Honestly, if you aren't given any of the road signs to point you in the right direction at those specific road blocks you've written, it can be a very daunting, and sometimes defeating, task of going on the hunt yourself. 

I know that I feel a bit overwhelmed just thinking about how I'm going to fix these three chapters. As I mentioned in my previous "Writing Tips", this story is a 1st person narrative, and within these troublesome chapters, my narrator is experiencing a heavy case of numbing depression. Somehow, and I haven't quite figured it out yet, I need to balance his detachment with his observations of what's going on around him. At the moment, it's a lot of emotionless observation. Apparently three chapters of it. 

I wish that I could just give you some easy advice about how to pep up your sentences. Add active verbs. Use more dialogue. But it's not as easy as all of that. 

If you stick around to read more of my future "Writing Tips" posts, I'll go through some examples of when I gave advice about "Show, don't tell," and solutions I suggested. These, however, will be for very specific cases. 

To come back to this note, however, I'm stuck with trying to get my character out of his own head and into some action. "Get off the phone," stop having him recite what's going on and actually have him live it. And it's not that I can't do this. It's only these consecutive chapters where he's running out of reasons for being. The rest of the time, he's active, he's reactive, he's doing what characters are supposed to do in novels. 

I'm going to have to find someway to cheat around his depression. I'm going to have to roll up my sleeves and get in the ring with this dude, make him acknowledge his own reactions. Because it's not that he isn't reacting - he's reacting to everything - it's that he wants to be numb. What I'm going to be fighting is the hold between me and my narrator. I'll have to intervene and make sure that he isn't narrating the way that he wants to narrate. Not to diminish his feelings, but to show how deeply he has them, even if he doesn't want anyone to see them. 

Anyone who tells you writing is easy isn't very invested in their own work. Aside from the odd typo, and "these 3 chapters are a bit slow", I didn't get the same note twice from all of the people I handed it to. True that you can't please everyone, and there are some notes that I'm really going to have to delve back into those scenes to see if either me or my critiquer missed the mark, but there are some things that should always be a red flag. "Show, don't tell," "Get off the phone," "It's a bit slow," "I got bored," are just about the biggest red flags you can find. And if you hear it even as much as twice, I'd start looking things over if I were you. 

In fact, that's what I'm doing right now!

Several months ago I joined a writing group called Ninja Writers. And while I know that their thousands of participants get a lot out of the group, throwing writing samples out into the void of the internet just isn't the approach that I need. I like things to be a little more personal than that. Sure I participated, but it was getting very one sided.

Turns out that I wasn't the only one starting to feel like that. A small number of us branched out and began our own smaller group specifically for critique partners. We set clear expectations of what kind of help we're looking for, and then whole works (or up-to-the-point-it-gets-tricky works) are read, critiqued, and thus begins the dialogue for follow up. I like this approach better, because it's not 2000 people asking "Is this a good sentence?" every time they go to write something. 

So far it's been a great experience. I've been reading work in various stages of completion, of various genres, and with very different author approaches. This is where the teacher in me comes out. I like seeing the whole picture of what the writer is trying to do, and so it then becomes my job to make sure that the writer themselves are being mindful of what they are trying to convey too. 

I'm not a very structured writer myself. I've tried so many writing programs and organizers, plotting formulas, character breakdowns, etc. And while each of these things in their various forms do have their benefits, they aren't all for me. I don't even think that I have a solid system of my own in place yet, but every project I work on starts to add another layer to my process, and I expect that whatever my process looks like now will be entirely different 10 years from now. I grow, I expect my writing habits to as well.

Now, having just finished the 3 Day Novel Contest, and with NaNoWriMo preparation already looming over the horizon, I thought why not share some of the advice that's come up. Maybe it'll work for you, maybe it won't, but new approaches rarely hurt that much.

I don't know how many of these posts I will do, or how often they'll come up. It just seemed like the feedback I was giving might benefit more than just the writers I've been working with. And of course, if I receive any great tips, I'll be sure to let you know.

Actually, I can leave you with one of the comments I got back from the novel I last submitted:

1) "You really like the word "so", don't you?" - Well, no, I don't, but it's a 1st person narrative and apparently he does. 

Word over-use. Really easy to spot in someone else's work, less easy to spot in your own unless it's on word steroids. I know for a fact that on day 3 of the 3 Day Novel every other sentence seemed to have "clearly" inserted in it somewhere - which isn't a good word to give steroids to in any form of writing. The general rule is if something is "clear" then you shouldn't have to go out of your way to point it out, should you? And if you have to, well then it isn't clear at all, and you're probably just making your reader feel like an idiot for not being inside your brain as you made all of those connections behind the scenes. I imagine that my use of "so" in the above novel is probably just as redundant. I haven't gone back over it with a fine-tooth comb yet, but that'll be my project for this week: what purpose does this use of "so" bring to the table that isn't conveyed without using it at all, or that can't be conveyed without using another word?

If you want to try to catch those pesky juiced-up words, try running your work through a program that will identify the most common words. Put it in a wordle and at least make it look pretty. If done properly, your most common words should be character names. If "clearly" so much as makes an appearance, however tiny, do a "search" or "find" in your original document and hunt those suckers down. They'll need to earn their place in your book! 

Unfortunately, "so" is one of those common words that wordle tends to omit, just as it would "the" or "a". Let's just take that as a reminder that no automated program will ever replace the need for some human eyes as well. 

It's been way too long since I last made a game post, and somehow whenever I think to do it, it's always when we're playing the games I usually post about... I mean, we have about 100 games, you'd think this wouldn't be an issue!

Anyways, my brother dropped by for a visit, and of course he came with a bag of games of his own. We fell in love with Slaughterville, a crowd-funded horror-movie style game. At my brother's recommendation, we are not only now on the lookout for a copy of Slaughterville of our own (everyone is out of stock so we loaded up on the expansion packs in the mean time), but we were told that we would love A Touch of Evil. 

A Touch of Evil is a Flying Frog production, and it's been around for several years. We've often seen it in the game shops, and because we have Conquest of Planet Earth which is another one of their games, we own like 5 separate pieces of advertisement for A Touch of Evil. 

We never really jumped at it because, to be honest, it looks super cheesy. And while Slaughterville has similar graphics within the game, it owns its cheesiness by tongue-and-cheek portrayals of B-movie stereotypes. A Touch of Evil really just looks like they hired a handful of models/actors and played dress up in a costume store for a photoshoot montage moment, which was then photoshopped together as a grade 10 intro to graphic project....

...I know this sounds harsh, and clearly I've made crap covers in my day, but it was a huge factor in us not going near this game 10 years(-ish). 

The game board is a totally different story. It's a beautiful old-timey map design that had both @TheMattCave and I thinking Sleepy Hollow. So it was very fitting that we chose our villain to be the Headless Horseman. 

There were 3 of us playing for the first time, so, as usual, play went a little slow. We each took up an unlikely townsperson, and off we went to investigate, hunt wolves and ghost pirates. I know for a fact that we did not do the Town Elder thing well at all, along with other things. And there was a bit of confusion as we flipped back and forth from Competitive rules to Cooperative. I don't know who decided to play Cooperatively, but that's what we started with, and somehow we started with the tutorial setup and then @TheMattCave kept saying that we should be playing the advanced rules - so I really have no idea what we were doing right and what we were doing wrong...

...I'm very finicky when it comes to learning games, and while I make mistakes too, I do much better when I can take charge of the rule book - I'm a bit controlling that way. 

So I'm going to reserve my final evaluation of A Touch of Evil until we play it again. I want to get a better feel for how the game is supposed to go!

After the ticket purchasing catastrophe of last year, you can bet that I was beyond thrilled that The Book of Mormon tour decided to come back around. And this time there was no messing around! I had promised @TheMattCave tickets, it took longer than expected, but I got us tickets this time gosh darn it!

You see, @TheMattCave is pretty much in love with all things Trey Parker. And while I know that all of the things he loves are a Trey Parker & Matt Stone combo, for some reason he only ever refers to Trey Parker. Maybe there's a history here that I don't know about... Regardless, there is much bro love. Much bro love. I have entered the vehicle on several occasions to find myself greeted by "America, Fuck Yeah!" blaring from the speakers. And while I can say that I would gladly have gone to see The Book of Mormon and enjoy it on my own, this one was very much for my loving husband who gets dragged to all of the shows that I want to see - I know it's "dragged" because after The Book of Mormon he went on quite the eloquent speech about how it was the perfect play, and not like the boring long ones that we usually see... and then proceeded to list the titles of these boring long ones that, though he enjoyed, had to admit that they could have told the same story in a much more succinct way... and by that I think he means less dancing...

...How did I end up marrying someone who can't appreciate a good old fashioned dance fight?

So you already have @TheMattCave's verdict on the play. "It was perfect!" And I do have to give it to The Book of Mormon, the fan-base that the creators bring in truly does make a night at the theatre more accessible (and appealing) to those who may not actively seek out the thrill of a live musical. I felt the South Park fandom in the air from our 2nd balcony seats. Normally I don't like 2nd balcony. Sat there once for Les Mis, and while I'm pretty sure that the actors on stage did in fact have faces, I will never really know for sure. Luckily this time around we weren't in THE nosebleeds within nosebleeds section. These actors did in fact have faces and I saw them for myself! Why do I mention where I sat in the theatre? Because the air shifts as you move up or down in price range. We were in the cheap seats, and thus I had the privilege of a show within a show, listening to the awe of those who needed to recite everything they saw the moment they saw it: "Dude, there's a bible in his ass! That's so funny!" Which I have to admit was better than the show taking place a few rows away from me in which one lucky audience member got to explain everything that was happening on stage: "What is that?" "It's an X-ray." "But what is it?" "It's his ass." "What's that?" "It's a bible." "I don't understand." "It's an x-ray of a bible in his ass." "But why?" *head desk*

Yes, this is the variety that you will find in The Book of Mormon audience. And while I am certain that somewhere in the front few rows (where I usually try to spend waaaayyyy too much on tickets) there were golf claps at the end of each number, this was truly a show for everyone - over 16.

In true Trey Parker (et al.) fashion, there is casual social commentary, rampant religious commentary, a song about Aids, and a trip to Hell. All led by two characters in the classic Parker/Stone style, who might as well be Stan and Cartman - only Mormon. The dynamic duo bring joy, laughter, history, and a lot of hole poking into not only Mormon culture, but a lot of "white" ways of thinking. Not for the prude at heart by any means. In fact, next time I do hope for better seats so that I might sit with the higher theatre class, just to hear the reactions of the little old couple who buy season tickets without researching what they've gotten themselves into. 

While the entire cast and crew did a fantastic job, I have to give praise to Cody Jamison Strand who owned the lovable awkwardness of Elder Arnold Cunningham. He carried the spirit of Josh Gad while still making the character his own. He'll break your heart as he yearns for the best friend he's never had, and bring you to tears with laughter as he fumbles his way around his own version of Mormon culture. You'll want to hug him, kiss him, and let him baptize you to save your soul from the fiery pits of Mordor!

Candace Quarrels was the sweet and innocent Nabulungi. And while Quarrels was ever bit as sweet as her character demanded, you can tell that this girl is a rock star! 

And finally, I have to mention Melvin Brandon Logan on my husband's behalf. It is uncanny how many varieties of ways that this man can express the maggots living inside of his scrotum. Apparently it was so awe-inspiring that @TheMattCave couldn't leave within his very own "I have maggots in my scrotum" boxer shorts. 

I happened to leave with a "Fuck you, God" t-shirt, because I always get a show shirt and this was one just so darn cute. Of course I had to wear it almost right away - just in time to answer the door for girl scouts. Luckily I don't think they've seen the show or read Luganda (or Swahili, I didn't actually research which language they use in the show). 

Yes, this there is no doubt that The Book of Mormon  is crude, but it's got a sweet side that Russel Peters just doesn't, so don't fear what you will see and hear on stage. This is no collection of cheap laughs. The Book of Mormon has researched it's inspiration source, it makes smart observations, and it tells a story filled with heart, that just so happens to be surprising well-balanced with the politically incorrect humour that Team America did in film. No, there is no puppet sex in this one, but I don't think you'll be disappointed by the Fuck Frog and sexualized baptism!

If you haven't yet, find yourself a ticket and enjoy this unique theatre experience! You'll be sure to sing "Hello!" to everyone as you dance your way back home after!

So shortly after my energy-rush happy dance, sprinkled ice cream, and post-blogging crash, I did what people should probably never EVER do: I took a peek at the "competition". I use the word sparingly because really the 3 Day Novel is a self-challenge, you should only be competing against your own procrastination and self-doubt, so anything you produced ends up being a win, so long as you surpassed what you would normally do on your regular schedule. Even the contest rules are pretty lax about what you actually produce during this weekend sprint. 

Nonetheless, I hopped onto twitter following the #3daynovel tag and looked through what other participants had accomplished. Clearly, just by doing this I had relinquished the reigns of my brain functions from "rational reason" and let "emotional impulse" be in control for a little while. 

I don't want to throw down the stereotype card and say "it's a girl thing", but I will fully admit that it's a me thing. I do this. And it never ends well.

Now, the fact that the whole day after the contest I felt like I had been hit by a bus, probably didn't help either. I think that "rational reason" was struck trying to boot up from a system that still ran off of Windows Vista... and in its absence, "emotional impulse" just steps in before the whole place has a nuclear meltdown while left unattended... and then proceeds to put the whole system into nuclear meltdown standby in a matter of minutes anyways, so all in all it's a very faulty system and I should probably get it upgraded or refunded, but then I wouldn't be the lovable me who walks into walls and is determined that every conversation should be riddled with obscure quotes that no one else really follows...
​
Other Person: I'm aware
Me: "I thought you said your name was Victor."
Other Person (who incidentally is NOT named Victor): ????

...Good Burger, in case you were wondering...

Anyways! 

If you recall, I did over 43,000 words, and I had to rush through what probably should have been at least the last 10,000 words in the final 15 minutes so it ended up being just a few sentences per scene that I had to cram in there. But, nonetheless, I did it. It's pretty much garbage at the end, but it's there - sort of. And yet, despite the quality that was produced, I was, and still am, pretty freaking proud that I pulled all of that off in just 3 days. 

So there I am, scrolling through the twitter results, and there are the cries of victories. And, of course, I am happy for them! We just did something that shouldn't be humanly possible! We are superheroes with obscure/useless powers, but they are superpowers nonetheless, damn it! (That last part was the Hugh Jackman Van Helsing in case you were wondering, if you could hear me, I said it in a very specific voice - and yes, sometimes I do say what I write aloud - which I didn't notice so much before this 3 day sprint, but holy hell do I mutter a lot when I write!)

But there is one reoccurring theme among my fellow victors that I just can't get over. How many of them had time to go back over their whole story to revise before submitting. I barely finished my story, let alone got a chance to read it over! How in the bloody hell does someone write 50,000 words in a weekend, reread it, and edit it, all within 3 days?!?!!?! 

At this point I feel very out of my league. My accomplishment is nothing. I probably shouldn't even have submitted it for entry. I do not have superpowers - even useless ones...

So I follow up with some of these godly accomplishments...

20,000 words.

At first I read it as they just wrote 20,000 words in the 3rd day, which makes total sense because if your minimum novel is 50,000, then 20,000 words per day over three days is a great 60,000 word novel! But that still doesn't answer how the hell they can manage 20,000 words per day and still have time to reread and edit!

Then it hits me.

They didn't write 20,000 words per day! They wrote 20,000 words TOTAL!

And then this is where S#*% gets real...

IN WHAT F***ING UNIVERSE IS 20,000 WORDS A F***ING NOVEL!!!! *table flip* *rage quit* *Hulk smash!*

Luckily I'm pretty much a bottler, so rage brain didn't venture out into the twitterverse, thank god! because I would not want live with a permanent reminder of how rage brain rages. Now is okay, because rational me is in the operation booth again, so we can look back safely at the rage brain meltdown that happened when happy, light and fluffy emotional impulse noticed a small crack in the system. Besides, since I'm not screaming at anyone, in person or at a computer screen, I can acknowledge that I do have a point.

I in no way mean to belittle the accomplishment of anyone who pulled off 20,000 words or fewer. You wrote, and that's all that matters. But I'm kind of a stickler for following the rules, and I take the written word pretty darn seriously, so when it says "3 Day Novel", I associate 50,000+ words, or else it would be the 3 Day Novella Contest, or the 3 Day Novellette Contest, or even the 3 Day Story of Any Length Contest. But, it specifically says "Novel" on everything, and so, "Novel" is what I went for. 

Why did this bother me so much? Well, just days before the contest began, I started spontaneously developing another older idea I've had floating along with me in my mental Rolodex, and I pushed it aside because I knew that the story wouldn't be rich enough to get me to 50,000 words. I rejected a shorter story because it would not be a NOVEL. 

Understand the rage quit now? Had I gone with that idea instead, I too probably could have finished it, reread it, and submitted it with some knowledge that I must have caught at least a few typos and missing words. 

Live and learn. 

But knowing me, I probably still wouldn't have used that idea. I challenged myself to write a novel, and a novel is 50,000+ words. I wouldn't have accepted any less from myself. And while I know that 43,000 is not 50,000, I know for a fact that when I get my hands back on it and fix it up, Among Beasts will be well beyond 50,000!

The lesson here: I'm petty and pretentious. Sorry. Apparently that's my superpower.

It is 1am on September 6th. I have participated in the 3 Day Novel contest and so far have lived to tell about it.

Actually, to be honest, I thought I'd be in much rougher shape. Aside from the last 20 minutes where I really had to panic, I actually pretty at peace with the whole process. I think I managed this miracle with the help of a few key factors. 
1) I put an outline together in my handy-dandy Hilroy!
2) I've been on a bit of a writing dry-spell. I've been doing a lot of editing work this year, but since I skipped NaNoWriMo last year, I really haven't written anything new in a very long time. I almost forgot that I do like to write!
3) My story stayed vivid to me.

In planning for this challenge, I tackled it in the terms of NaNoWriMo. The shortest wordcount definition for a novel being 50,000 words, so that's what I aimed to do for this as well - only 10 times as fast since instead of 30 days to write 50,000, I'd have 3. Which meant that I'd have to aim for just under 17,000 words per day.

I'm gonna tell you right now that I cannot write 17,000 words a day. I'm not a speedy writer. Still, I tried. 

Day 1, I surprised myself by pulling off just over 15,000 words. I started at midnight, wrote just over 3,000, and then when I woke again and added 12,000. I followed my outline fairly closely, I just added a few extra chapter breaks since my scenes ended up plumping out more than I originally thought they would. Great for those scenes, not so great for plugging through a whole novel in 3 days. Short on my word count and only a couple of ticks down on my outline.

Day 2 ended up being very similar to day 1. I wrote about 12,000 words and that was all of the steam that I had in me. Once again, I ended up delving into scenes that I absolutely loved. Great for those scenes, not great for only having a day left to use.

And then finally, Day 3. This was the do or die day. I was beyond the halfway point as far as my 50,000 word projection, but I was only really just at my halfway mark in my plot. A little disheartening knowing that I'd pull it off beautifully if it were the 4 day novel challenge. But I went for it. Trying hard to just get to the next scene. Rejecting the "Show Don't Tell" mantra because, damn it, Jim, I've got a story to tell!

I had told myself that by 10:00pm I would just forget about writing proper narrative and just start listing plot as a makeshift ending to just slap the final scene on this thing. Well, next thing I know it's 11:30 and I'm just building up to the much anticipated climax. Can't go into detail with the actual climax, and sure as hell can't play out all of that falling action. Skip, skip, skip. Lots of people died. Skip, skip skip. By the way, she's there now because she wasn't there when all of the other people died. Skip, skip, skip. The end, kinda, except there's this epilogue thingy that we don't have to have, and oh, hey look, it's midnight, I guess we're done. 43, 396!

So I saved it. Sent it. And immediately wanted to fix up that whole last bit of sloppy narrative mess. Clearly I picked a story that was a little too ambitious for 3 days, but I'm still convinced that 4 days would have been just fine for a first draft. Yes, the NaNoWriMo participant in me can't believe the words that just came out of my mouth... er, fingertips? A whole first draft in 4 days! 

I can't say that I'll be making a habit of this. I feel great about doing it this time around, and with a little work, I think I'll have a decent piece of work here, but a weekend novel is pretty intense, and I'm not confident that I can have everything lined up the way that it did for me this time. Part luck as much as planning. 

I'll be sticking to NaNoWriMo. And  a new draft a year is alright for me considering how long it takes to work, re-work, and edit, edit, edit. But I'd be willing to do this again. Maybe in a few years, or if I find myself in another dry-spell. 

I'm sure this won't be my last note on the subject. Prepare for a series of rants that my now crashing-brain is just not processing anymore. 
I was bursting with energy a while ago, but as I look at the clock, it's already after 2:00am. It has taken me an entire hour just to write this post. 

I must be crazy. In two days (well, one and a half I suppose), I will undertake the daunting task of completing a full first draft novel within 3 days. I can barely pull this off in 30 with my annual participation in NaNoWriMo. I don't know what compelled me to try this other than the fact that this is the first year that I'm not school planning over labour day. Hopefully it won't hurt me to try it just once... I feel like there is a whole history department out there dedicated just to the people who proved that statement wrong...

Anyways, in order to prepare, I have completed a rough outline, and consulted the Survival Guide. I won't share the whole Guide, after all, you can just click the link to read all 8 pages of it, but I will share the conclusion, because that was the one that I think I'll need to keep with me over the weekend - and it was too big to put into a tweet!

I don't know if I'll make it. I don't know if the novel will. But I'm sure I'll have a lot to rant about when it's all over - if I can write in complete sentences that is.