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Writing With Kids

8/19/2018

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I know that I said that I would keep my writing-related expectations low while I try to get back into the game, but after attending When Words Collide this year, I walked out with a calling that I can't seem to shake. 

You see, for all of the inspirational panels available this year, about writing, writing communities, beginning the process, getting through the middle, and the "Now What?" stage of completion, I felt that there was still something lacking. Yes, I was inspired to want to write, but even trying to attend these sessions was near impossible as my husband and I play "pass the toddler". 

I know that many other people have this child-care thing all figured out (okay, maybe it just feels like everyone else but us has this child-care thing all figured out). We don't have family here that we can just summon over, and my husband has been very dead-set against trying to hire through a service (he is against a lot of hiring of services), and while we do have the little one in daycare, that does not help with any evening/weekend events. So unless one of our childless friends just so happen to not be having a life for one day, it's been between us coordinating who gets to do something while the other is solo parent. I don't even mean going out, I mean trying to get something done for an hour at home. And the more independent our little one gets, the more mischief he gets into. He is really into dumping things right now, just over-turning drawers, boxes, even full cups or food containers, and then moving on to the next thing to dump. And he's fast. I went to put all of his clothing drawers back in his room and then I hear the lego tub being dumped on the floor downstairs... didn't hear the drawers of the art caddy being overturned so that was a surprise...

Toddler chasing, constant pick-up, and being painfully pregnant where the nausea and tailbone pain has been an everyday reality for these past 8 months, has been exhausting. Honestly, I can't even get half of the things out of the fridge without needing to sit down on the floor to see it/grab it because I physically cannot bend most of the time - and then I get to spend 3 minutes trying to get myself back up... So I would consider this to be one of the contributing factors to my lack of writing lately. And because I have the support group of 1, the one I'm married to, it's also very isolating. So I basically have two mentally draining jobs that are totally isolating activities: parenting and writing. Teaching is less isolating but the mental/emotional exhaustion is pretty brutal too. 

Part of the reason that I got so active in the Twitter writing chats was to try to feel attached to a writing community again. I'm awkward enough at social events, add an active toddler into the mix and then I'm just parenting in a new environment, which is twice as much work. And even if the in-person writer gatherings are "child-friendly", the truth is that what they really mean is "child-tolerant, provided that we can easily ignore that there are children present." And I don't blame them for that. I can't get work done with my kid to look out for, so why would I expect other people to. And this is being said from my perspective. I actually get a lot of compliments about how well-behaved my kid is when we drag him out in public. It's me who is hyper-sensitive about it. There is no shutting off my parenting brain, and so there is no point to me joining in these activities when I can't really take part in them. And that is defeating and frustrating because it just leads me to perpetuate the isolation. On top of that, to feel both justified and guilty about it. I chose to have a child, it wasn't something sprung on me, and so the consequence is being 100% mom. And yet the world is filled with advice on how to balance these things with easy little changes: wake up 15 minutes earlier, get the kids to bed 10 minutes earlier, pre-plan your weekly meals. Great, that all sounds really great, but it can be a two-hour battle to get my kid down for sleep. My physically being up earlier has never, NEVER, resulted in my brain being up any earlier. Pre-planning meals might sound great, but there's trying to fit in the grocery shopping, having a bunch of leftovers because little one doesn't feel like eating, and I'm pregnant and will just have no desire to eat something that I ate perfectly fine the day before. My parenting life is an organic experience, intended to be based on a routine that is apparently more like the Pirate's Code than actual rules.

Enjoying my parenting rant?

I am. And this has been what has been on my mind lately. I've even burst into tears over it in the car on the way to When Words Collide because it makes me feel like I am neither qualified to be a writer or a parent, and that I'm mentally deranged for even thinking about doing both. And that's not fair. I know that many people who attended the event have children of varying ages. And I'm sure that attendance could have been doubled (if there were double the tickets) if those parents who didn't feel trapped could actually participate with confidence, be present as a writer and not just a guilty parent. 

So this is the source of my new-found calling. There has to be a way to have a writing community for parents. Not a write-in where we all rotate watching one-another's children, because, let's face it, that's pretty much just being 100% parent and 0% writer.  I want to be able to write without feeling guilty. And then I had an epiphany. What about organizing write-ins for parents where there is already a child-minding service on-site? I don't know why I haven't thought of it before, especially since I know exactly where to find such a space. The community centre across the street from my house has a public library, a swimming pool, ice rink, large gyms, loads of programming, and rentable meetings rooms. It also has a child-minding service available to people who are using the facilities intended for this very purpose, so that mom and dad don't have to choose between going to the gym, or taking that fitness class, or that art social, or whatever else they need to do. 

This is my new goal. I want to look into coordinating with the centre, figuring out child-minding hours and scheduling around various events that they host, to carve out some parent writing time. Obviously I could do this easily on my own by just sitting in the library while my child attends the daycare, but I can't be the only person in our vast writing community who needs this opportunity. 

I've got about 5 weeks before #2 comes out. I've got 2.5 months before NaNoWriMo begins. I want to do this. I need to do this.

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Unsatisfied Customer - Internet Edition

8/15/2018

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My frustration and sass and since subsided, but this is the post I was asked to write after a few days of social media ranting. I'm over it. It's been resolved (mostly), but apparently others have felt better knowing that it wasn't just them getting screwed over by the same company. So here we go.
Internet. We all seem to need it and yet there are so few sources of it, at least here. It's also not that costly of a resource for a company to grant access to, especially when they hold the monopoly of it as a service provider. And with lack of competition, there isn't much variation on services being promoted. All you know is that as a customer, your rates will inevitably go up, and the other guy tries to entice you over to their plans, which have a great First Time deal, and then will run the same course you just walked away from.

So I took the bait. Our contract was at its end and the ability to have nearly 50% of our bill for the next 6 months was very tempting. So while out running errands, I stopped by a nearby Telus store and asked some questions, trying to determine the catch or hidden costs. Well, my questions were answered and a very helpful lady walked me through the service and contract. I was ready to switch. And without charge my current service would be canceled by Telus on the last day of my contract, ensuring that I got each day that I paid for without rolling into the next month's billing cycle. The installation of the new system, however, was not going to be possible since there is only one installer and he was booked-up until the 9th. "Can you be without internet for a day?" To save $90, yes, we can sacrifice one day of internet. Great. Signed. Entered. Confirmation email received! So why is it that on the 8th, all of my current services were still active?

I submit for your viewership, Exhibit A:
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"I have a question about our cancellation with Shaw. It was my understanding that our Shaw service would be canceled by Telus for the 7th (yesterday), however our services still seem to be intact as of [today] with no notice of a cancellation being in effect. Could you please look into this as I do not wish to be charged an extra $90 for using a service one day over our contracted time when our arrangement with Telus assured us otherwise."
​
Remember that at this point I have no idea where the mix-up occurred. Did the information not get entered? Was my cancelation date forgotten? Or did my current provider just not turn off the switch yet? I'm not angry, but I already know that there are only two possible solutions I am willing to accept: 1) everything has gone according to plan with Telus and thus Shaw Cable needs to remove the issued bill, or, 2) Telus made a mistake and needs to compensate me for what I now owe Shaw.
Exhibit B:
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"Good day! With regards to your concern, it shows that your appointment is August 9 and your disconnection was August 7, which is not possible, as we cannot date the cancellation earlier than the TELUS services installation. Please let me know if you have any other concerns."
Well, Diana, I do have concerns. The first concern being that my original concern of being out an extra $90 wasn't addressed at all by your response. And secondly, you have single-handedly escalated my concerns by stating that A) the information was correctly entered into the system which clearly you have access to seeing, and, B) despite it being in my contract for the past 4 days, it is "not possible." A TERM WITHIN MY CONTRACT IS "NOT POSSIBLE"! Does that not sound concerning to you?!?!
So I submit EXHIBIT C:
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"When I went into the Telus store to sign up for the plan, that was the arrangement I was promised. Clearly the Telus policies are not made clear to your workers equally.
This does not give me much confidence in switching providers. And since I will now be paying for two services in the same month if I continue with this contract, perhaps it is better for me to cancel the installation and the Telus contract."
I have set out to do two things with this email: 1) To give the impression that I am not happy - which I'm not, and 2) to give customer service a chance to offer to remedy the issue. Note, I haven't threatened yet. I said "if", and "perhaps", meaning that there is still a chance to appease the customer and have this all settled...

EXHIBIT D:

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"I apologized if you weren't provided proper expectations. With regards to cancellation you can contact 310-2255 and choose cancellation option."
My "personal" Telus representative has washed her hands of me. Sad Face.
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Wait a second? Isn't her "personal" number the EXACT same as the generic customer service automated number? Why, yes it is! Which is why I am so glad that I emailed first, because now I have a preserved record of our interactions!

Now I did call the number. There is no extension for Diana, it's just press 1 or 2. Wait time for someone to answer the phone at this point is 1 hour, so I opt to have them call me back. In the meantime, I decide to give the physical store a call. At least someone there answers the phone, but since I worked with a particular worker, they say that I will have to wait until she comes in for her afternoon shift... The race is on to see who will call me first. Giving me, of course, lots of time to update people on various social media accounts...

Generic customer service gets back to me first.
"What can I help you with?"
​"I've been told that the arrangement in my contract cannot be fulfilled and now I am going to be billed an additional $90 for using service beyond my contract. So I would like to cancel my contract with you since I have no intention of paying for two internet providers in the same month."
"Can we offer you a $100 credit?"
"Nope."

I know, you're probably wondering why I don't take the credit. Wasn't that something I was willing to take earlier? True, and if it had been offered right away, I might have. But there's something very worrying in that all of this great customer service I was promised could allow me to sign a contract agreeing to terms that were "not possible", that no one intervened with when the contract was being created, submitted, or when the cancelation date popped up. Meaning that if I didn't call, when the hell was my service going to be cancelled?!?! What else is in that contract that "is not possible"? Who is actually going to address my future concerns since it sure as hell isn't going to be my "personal" representative!

​Screw the deal! I just want the service I agreed to!

So then I get forwarded to someone in the installation department since I no longer wish to have the installers come. New dude, same conversation. "Can I ask why you'd like to cancel? Can I offer you a $100 credit?"

JUST FORGET THAT I EVER SIGEND THAT STUPID CONTRACT BECAUSE I AIN'T LETTING YOU IN!!!

No, I didn't shout at anyone. I take my customer dissatisfaction persona mostly from Dame Maggie Smith. Direct and unimpressed. 

Thankfully that's the last person I need to speak with to get out of this mess. The local store does call me back shortly after, and I inform the lady who made my contract about all that has been taking place. She apologizes but I tell her that I don't blame her at all. Everything we agreed to in-store was in the contact. The dates were entered into the online system just as we had agreed. I apologized to her. It was very clear that the employees wrangling in the customers from the ground are given very little support from their company. Things that are not possible in a contract should not be possible to enter into the database. Things that are not possible in a contract should be part of new employee training. New contracts should be verified by a superior. Details in a signed contract should be honoured on the good faith that their sales people are actually delivering customer service in the true sense of the term. 

​I guess some companies don't care about reputation. 


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"At TELUS we’re continually listening to our customers to make your experience better every day. Amazing service, it’s what sets us apart."
​
...or so they say...
But the story doesn't end here. Oh no!
​I get off of the phone and only have time to update my husband on my conversation with the Telus store when his phone rings. Apparently Telus just now informed Shaw that we would like to cancel, so Shaw is checking-in to make sure that's what we want. 
"No! No! Don't cancel!"
"Ok. We won't. But please tell me, are you currently satisfied with your monthly bill?"
"Not really, no."
"Can I sign you up for a new 2-year contract that's $30 less, each month, for the whole two years?"
"Why yes you can!"

Done.

Happy ending, right?

​Remember all of that waiting for a return call? I was posting. I was calling Telus out. So the next day, social media Telus replies:

​EXHIBIT E:


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Gladly!
​So I do. A very detailed play-by-play (yes, more detailed than I've laid out here for you, including names, locations, etc.). I would submit more exhibits, but it would actually take about 5 screen shots to complete. Essentially I just said everything that I have already explained to you all. 

​Telus apologized and wanted to confirm that I went back to my original provider. I said, yes. No attempt was made at explaining to me where my whole Telus experience went wrong, so I pried.

EXHIBIT F:

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That was August 9th. As of today (August 15th) there has been no response.

​I will assume that they have turned their attention to more important things, like hidden cell phone charges. 
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A Little Re-Charge

8/11/2018

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Some of you may have noticed a bit of radio silence on my end. I haven't sent out a new newsletter in months, my Twitter posts have only recently started up again, and I am very ashamed to discover that I haven't made a blog post on this site since 2017 (and I'm going to have to re-read it again to remember what it was even about!). 

In these past 6 months I have been mentally creating updates explaining why I've been delayed with things, and none of those posts ever got one word actually typed out. Then another event would happen, another excuse for my silence, another mentally written apology, and then another month went by. The list of excuses is very long now, and I think I have chosen to just move on rather than continue feeling guilty by rambling on about how hard things have been for me in these last 6 months, ups and downs, elations and despairs. At the end of the day, that's called life, and while it can be so easy to escape into a digital world, pretending that a concerned audience is anxiously waiting for an update, I am sure that most of those who take the time to read any of my posts have probably been dealing with all of the ups and downs of their own real lives. 

I want to approach this post as a writer, not as a therapy session, and so I would like to explain the most crippling writer-related reason for my digital silence. Imposter Syndrome. At the end of 2017, it seemed that I had actually achieved some momentum in my writing persona. I had writer meetings and games on Twitter, I was exploring creative play with my own characters, I got to mentor a large group of students interested in noveling. I was riding a high of feeling like a writer. But I stopped writing. I used my online presence as an outlet to feel connected to the writing world, but eventually I realized that I had nothing left to offer. I wasn't creating anything new. I wasn't exploring a new world or meeting new characters. Heck, I wasn't even digging up anything from my WIP pile. As new Twitter Q&A's popped up weekly (some daily), I felt like a fraud. I wasn't writing. How could I contribute to an on-going conversation about growing as a writer when I plateaued? So I stopped participating. With nothing new to say, I withdrew from several online communities, and all of that momentum that drove me on merely months before suddenly dried up, leaving me feeling empty, and then worse than empty, filled with guilt and shame.

This isn't to say that I've been in a deep depressive state this whole time, I have done great things: I got back on the stage for another round of dinner theatre, I choreographed the dance numbers for our school version of The Lion King,  we took our little one to Disneyland, and, after months of trying, we finally were able to make baby #2. All very positive things, but none of the them writing-related. And the more time that passed not writing, the harder it has been to even think about starting again. Where can I start? Which project? How much re-reading, re-visiting notes, or re-writing will have I have to do? Where am I going to find the time/energy? Each of those thoughts made the act of writing feel heavier and heavier, more and more impossible, and since writers write, what did that make me now? Despite 3 completed novels out in the world, I had fallen from writer to dreamer, and I feared falling even further backwards, possibly into oblivion itself - as if all of the progress I had made in my life would dissolve into nothing.

So why am I posting now? After six months of silence, what has given me the strength to take a few minutes to put thoughts into writing? 

Someone told me to.

It sounds silly, but that's the truth of it. Sure I had a few people mention that they didn't receive *insert month here*'s newsletter, but that only seemed to add to the guilt; no I hadn't written it, so that's why you haven't received it. As far as I was aware, I had nothing to update readers on. There was nothing to say. And then once there was something to say, the burdensome need to explain why I hadn't said anything in-between became overwhelming. What do I say? How much do I explain? Does anyone even care? All of that thinking just added to the exhaustion I already felt. So doing nothing was both easier and harder. 

But just the other day, as I was ranting on my personal account, someone who I am not especially close to said quite casually, "You should write this in a blog." And just as I was about to explain that I did have a blog already, I realized that I didn't have to explain myself, I just had to do it. Therefore this post was born. It is serving the purpose of my explanation, and is also the marker for my starting line. It doesn't matter where I was prior, what I was doing or not doing. This is a new lap. A new run. I am at my starting line with no expectations of how far I will go or of how long this lap will take me. I may run, I may walk, heck, I may even just flop on the ground for a bit crying that I can't get up. I make no promises, not to you, not to myself. Will I get back into my newsletter? Probably eventually. Will it be monthly? I doubt it. Will I continue my goals from last year? Probably not. I will need to set my standards very low right now, I need very tiny victories to keep me on track.

So, in short, I'm back, sort of. I am on the way to building myself back up, to feeling like a writer again. And with a new baby on its way, it's not going to be easy. 

As of right now, I have at least one story to tell. The one that was asked of me. This post is step #1, to appease my own guilt. My next post will be setting that guilt aside. Moving forward. Writing. Because that's what writers do. 
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