I have 22 hours in which to complete and win CampNaNoWriMo. Aside from my last attempt at ScriptFrenzy, this is the worst I have ever done at a NaNoWriMo event. This even trumps the year I was abroad and told myself that not winning was okay - which of course as we all know is a downright lie and thus I had to do a full week sprint to catch up. I have no such excuse this time around. In fact, I think I need to blame my memory of NaNo 2010 for showing me that I can pull it out of my rectal region if I really put my mind to it. I guess, if nothing else, my can-do attitude should be admired... the complete and utter "meh, I can do it later" attitude should be hung, drawn and quartered, and even possibly not in that order. 1,200 words are all that stand between me and victory. Considering I've barely moved from this little sofa all day and wrote over 9000 words, I think I can handle it. The bigger question is, can I actually finish this novel? And even bigger than that, has writing this novel even been worth the effort? I promised that Freakhouse will be ready to go for the first week of May. Regardless of how Parish is standing (as in if I ever want to admit to  it's existence after tomorrow), I believe Freakhouse will be worth putting out there. If nothing else, I'm curious as to how it will be received. I expect at least one angry letter out of it. 

****Warning, this post will contain TMI, you have been warned****

How sexy is Peter Dinklage? So sexy that just being looked at by him was enough to abort Matt's unborn child. 

No, I wasn't really pregnant, but it just timed out so well that Matt and I like this version of the story better. Anyone who knows me (so that's the 3 people who read this), knows that when my oh so beloved monthly friend arrives, I'm done. That's where I found myself last night. With so much Comic Expo goodness still in store for today, Matt and I decided to test out how far I could make it. Considering I'm usually curled up in the fetal position, crying, puking, and begging for death, I held out pretty darn well for most of the morning. By noon, though, I couldn't go on. Matt took me home, but I made him go back without me. The Terminator Spotlight was this evening, the movie series he based his life around, so it was necessary for him to be there. He just came home now, skipping through the door with a camera full of footage of his encounter. So glad he went. 

I would have liked to have been there, but at least my must-have (Dinklage) was already taken care of yesterday, plus tomorrow I get to attend the Game of Thrones Spotlight. 

I did have one major achievement today. Yesterday I saw someone walking around with Worm. Just one so you never know if it was merchandise or brought-in. Then I found the booth selling it. Given that we really don't need $40 stuffies, I walked away, only to regret it all night long. First thing upon arriving this morning, ran right to the booth. Hardly any of him left, and when people saw me with him, they were gone! But at least I have him now and he is mine. Even though I've had one hell of an afternoon, it's been a day well spent!

Without a doubt, this is a crap picture of me. Without a doubt, this is the best picture I have ever owned! Remember a while back I posted about Tyrion and Peter Dinklage? If you don't, refresh your memory by clicking here. Well, keep the theme going because who did I get to meet today?!?! 
OMG!?!?! I have not been able to stop squeeing!!!!! The funny part is that I had earlier convinced myself that I didn't need to get anything for me this year at Comic Expo. I knew Dinklage was coming, but I knew that Matt had a lot of celebrities in this year that were must-haves for him. Well, we missed out on a Spotlight that we wanted to see so that led us to going back to the autograph booths to see who was available. There was a practically empty one which Matt jumped into because it was one of his must-haves. I looked around, seeing what we should hit next, and then I saw him. I didn't think his authograph booth opened for another hour but there he was. Hang the cost! I ditched Matt and bolted it. So amazing. I knew that I liked him as an actor but I was not prepared for how approachable, how fun, how personable, he would be. It's always hit and miss at a Comic-Con as to which celebrities will actually speak to you and which ones will just sign and wave you off. Hell, our first stop this morning didn't even let Matt get his name on the page. 

Dinklage spoke to everyone he met, and even those off in the distance who just were excited to catch a glimpse of him. That made it all worth it, not the signature, not the photo, just to be there and watch him be real. I told him that he was the only part of the Expo that was for me, while Matt had everything (else as he said which Dinklage grabbed onto right away and gave him a hard time for making him the only thing that wasn't worth seeing). He filled my page with X's and O's and then apologized to Matt for giving me hugs and kisses, to which I replied that it was okay since we wouldn't be married for another month yet. It was such a short meeting, but we got to see a hint of the many sides of this brilliant actor. The put the clever joking on pause and sincerely congratulated us - I know that it sounds hyperbolized, obviously anyone can just say "congrats" and get you to move on, but it wasn't like that. The person beside us was moving into place, we were technically done and had to move on, but he kept us back just that little bit longer, telling us several times that he was happy for us and wished us the best - totally genuine moment. 

Matt liked Peter Dinklage as an actor before today, but that brief moment, that small interaction drew him in too. He was (and still is) just as squee as I, and the man-crush has bloomed full-out. 

I guess we can get married now, we have Dinklage's blessing. Do we have to name a child after him now?

I don't have to change as much as I thought I did. I actually really liked a bunch of scenes that had taken place and taking them out didn't seem right. Once I backtracked enough to figure out where I started scrambling, I knew where to intervene. The solution was so simple, I don't know why I was complicating it. Just finished a really great scene that has put my plot back on track. I hope this doesn't jinx anything, but I think that I should be able to go on strong for tomorrow. 

I'm certainly not hitting these midnight deadlines, but as long as I get that final 50,000 before the 30th, I won't have to worry about it.

So what was this big problem that I was having? Well aside from finding myself in dead-end scenes that just perpetuated a lot of nothingness and preventing me from actually being able to move my characters into necessary scenarios, I realized that in a story that is being named after a character, Parish, I sure as hell didn't have him playing a major role. Putting him back into the beginning is what saved my initial re-start of this story, so it's no surprise that bringing him back in has saved the day once more. He's supposed to play a major part, that's why I titled it after him! Best part? Didn't even have to force him in. It was like he was waiting on the sidelines, knowing that he was supposed to jump in, but I totally bulldozed right over his cue. 

So know I have about another 2,000 words for future deletion, but in exchange I got another 4,000 words out of it. Fair trade if you ask me. Well, good night. Another 5,000 word adventure for tomorrow!

So as promised, I wrote like a madperson, 5000 words at a time. I'm over 30,500 as I type this, my goal for today was 35,000, and I don't know if I can bring myself to get there. Maybe it's the surge of writing madness over the past few days that has me feeling a little "meh" today, or maybe it's the second thoughts I've been having about this story. Freakhouse just seemed so right. I don't remember wondering if I should just quit and never let the world read it. I'm wondering if I'm trying to hard with Parish. If the only reason I'm writing it is because I feel like some not-yet-existing reader is going to demand closure and I feel obligated to provide some. The pieces just aren't falling into place like I want them to, and I don't feel as excited about it as I think I should. Too many things floating around in my brain right now, so many things about writing Parish when what I should be doing is basking inside the world of Parish. Maybe Freakhouse will be a one-shot after all, I just don't know at this point. 

...

As I'm trying to think about what to write for this post (feeling guilty that I've abandoned this too), I have a sudden thought... I don't know if it will work, and it will require pretty much re-writing all 30,000+ words if I do this, but maybe, just maybe it might be the answer I'm looking for...

Sorry about the random cryptic stream of consciousness, but this is partially why I thought about blogging. I needed to start writing in a flow (unlike what I've been doing all feakin' day). Spontaneous writing is so wonderful for that. So, please forgive this post. It was meant for me and now I've got a job to do!

So why have I been so "off the face of the planet" lately? I've been teaching. I've been lesson planning, marking, and essay-writing. And was all of this effort worth giving up my writing passion? This picture is how one of my students sought to say farewell to me, wise beyond her years, I think she couldn't have said it better. It is a dangerous business going out your door, but it is always worth the journey, if only to have a new story to tell out of it. 

I'm not done writing. I have over 30,000 words still to write and less than 9 days to write in. I'm not giving up. I have 9 days to keep my feet, after that, I'm ready to be swept off down any road. Come on! Bring on that new adventure!

So after school today (I teach, remember?), Matt sends me a text that he has finished reading Freakhouse. This is all the detail I get. He won't be home until about 10:00 tonight. It's only a few hours away now, but I can't bring myself into a headspace to do any writing. I know about a few typos I have to correct. I seem to want to write anything but "so", therefore random "go" "to" "of" are in really weird places. It's almost as bad as my very first NaNo in which I became so automatic in writing "Jack" that it replaced pretty much any actual vocabulary I had ("he Jack" What? No! "He said!!!!!!). 

I wish that I could tell you that Parish was going well, but right now I'm not happy with it. I'm curious if I do this every NaNo and then instantly forget or if I'm really just struggling to get going on this. For now I blame the lack of competition, because damn it, that's half the reason I NaNo in the first place!

Still behind, but slowly getting closer. I'm also starting to feel like nothing's happening. I don't have the luxury of instant flashback that takes up 2/3 of the novel like Freakhouse. Doing an entire novel in present tense is painful. I hope something exciting happens soon, otherwise this is going to be one hell of a re-write.

Put out a good 2000+ and am getting more acquainted with some new characters. Would be happier if I knew that I could actually do the required 3000+ words for tomorrow, but I'm 99% sure that I'll be behind every day this week (I am so optimistic aren't I?). Luckily in just over a week I will realize that I'm unemployed and can power through this silly thing. I remember leaving my NaNo for weeks untouched while I was in England, and in that last week I wrote like a madperson, just squeaking by at midnight. Point being that I know I can pull this off, even if I haven't given myself the best start. 

To make matters worse, I'm ahead of my cabinmates, which means that my competitive drive isn't fully kicking in because I have no one to beat. I miss having a whole wall of writing buddies so that at least someone is readily available to push me into the mud and trample all over me... Why do I enjoy competitive noveling again?

So I think I'm missing everything since Friday...
Friday was grand! Went to Theatre Calgary's production of God of Carnage. I knew nothing about this play going in, but Matt and I loved it. Real world comedy about love, life, marriage, and the facades we put up. It was quick and witty. Wonderful date-night for us!

As for NaNoing. I did what I could on Friday night but, alas, did not meet my word goal. I wrote as much as I could, submitted at midnight, and then went to bed.

Saturday. 
Exciting dress fitting! Sorry no pictures.
Then Matt brought a friend over and we had a game night (surprise, surprise). Arkham Horror, Miskatonic School For Girls, King of Tokyo. 
I am hoping to break open some of our new(er) games soon. 

As you can probably guess, no writing was done this day either.

It is now 5:30 on Sunday. I keep thinking that I will start writing... We'll see if this actually happens...

Oh, and totally just realized that I didn't bring this up at all!
My proof copy of Freakhouse arrived on Friday! Thus far I have already found 3 typos on the back
cover alone. Matt will read it and find the billion of others sometime soon.