I can't blame the story. I still like the story. And my characters are amazing, but I'm finding it difficult to connect when I have time to sit down and write. It's a misconception, at least for me, that a writer can go forever when inspiration strikes. In the past, sitting in the lecture hall usually gave me the greatest spontaneous inspiration and my notebooks would have all sorts of story outlines scrawled in the margins. I think I've mention this before, but it's a little different now that I'm the one giving the lessons. I actually can't start scrawling all over their homework pages just because I'd rather be in my other world than the real one. I'm also understanding why others in my field are still "one day" dreamers, one's who would love to pursue something big but can't find an opening. Nothing scared me more last year than not completing NaNo. I didn't, and still don't, want to fall into the "I want to, but can't right now" category. I'm stubborn that way. And I should give myself credit. Week Two is always harder than Week One during NaNo season. The fact that even my pathetic little numbers are still coming along means that I'm already outdoing many of my past years.
I remember when I went to live in England, and I involved myself in absolutely every opportunity to be apart of the community, to travel and explore, all while aiming for straight A's, which I received in every class except for Dr. Scott's - was still an awesome class though, with the best field studies! Anyways, the point is that I as much as I wanted to continue to participate in NaNoWriMo, I told myself that it would be okay if I didn't win that year. I was doing amazing once-in-a-lifetime things, and I needed to be in those moments. I was living a dream, removing myself from the real-world would be stupid.
That was an epic win for me. One of those Wonder Woman moments when I look back on my life and stand in awe of myself. So these little blips of 100 words at a time, these are accomplishments within themselves. I haven't stopped. I haven't told myself that it's okay to give up now. As a math teacher of mine once said, if it matters enough to you, you will make time. Well, I'm making time, my obstacle now is making good use of that time. Sitting and staring at my word document trying to call forth my narrating character brings me less of a Wonder Woman feeling. I'll do it though, even if it I have to re-write ever scene I produce this November.
For those of you who may be struggling with your own battle of time vs. word count, just keep swimming. That's what we do, we swim. *Thanks, Dory*