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Torture By Books

8/27/2016

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Publicists must be a special kind of creature. PR is not my natural habitat. But I've been plugging along, putting marketing plans into place, updating budget sheets (so over budget), and I find that with all of that, it's so easy to dwell on the numbers. And there are so many numbers. Costs, sales, views, reviews, etc. I was supposed to be using the time between updates about giveaways and releases to get back on the horse with White Rabbits - which incidentally seems to no longer want to call itself White Rabbits after re-writing an outline and starting almost from scratch again. Sure, now that the giveaways are all over with and Freakhouse is officially released I should be able to get back into it, but then I went and did something else to torture myself with...

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I know. I didn't even try to do NaNoWriMo last year and here I am deciding that 50,000+ words can be completed in 3 days. I suppose it must make up for my lack of effort last year? In any case, this starts up in exactly one week! 

I have an idea. In fact, when I signed-up I was going over my mental Rolodex of ideas trying to decide on which one was developed enough to put to the test. Ended up delving into one idea that never really felt fully there, and I personally cannot start on a story unless I know where we're heading, and that was the part that always eluded me. Then I realized why I never understood where the ending was going - totally focusing on the wrong character. The character I start with is not the character I end with!

I know, it sounds confusing, but trust me, now the story actually has a plot! So I have my Hilroy scribbler  ready with a smattering of notes, and over these next 6 days I will be outlining in that little notebook because gods, old and new, help me if I try to navigate this thing in 3 days without a map!

So I suppose the plus side to all of this is that I will be forced to write. The downside is that I may just be adding to my pile of WIP's. That last one bothers me. I don't like leaving things unfinished. Even in reading. I've been working on one book for months. I hate it! It sucks all the joy out of reading, so I've been cheating and reading other things on the side so that I actually remember how much I love books. The resounding advice I've been getting is to just drop the book entirely. No one will care if I don't actually finish it. Well, I will care. I need to just read it and get it done and over with, and never, ever, ever touch another one of the books in that series again, regardless of badly my friends adore it!

This may also be why I feel like I have a lot to do. I'm not in school. I shouldn't be forced to read things I don't care for. And yet, I just can't not finish it. Like when I was in school and just couldn't fit all of the readings in so I had to abandon the odd one and just fake it in the class while I got a head start on a different reading - I still went back to read those other books over the summer because I felt guilty. 

What kind of condition is that to feel book guilty? "I'm sorry I couldn't read you." Even worse is this one that I'm currently reading. It's as bad as "I know this relationship isn't going anywhere, but damn it, I chose to initiate and so let's just force ourselves into it despite the fact that neither of us wants to, and I will probably go from disinterest to full on resentment for being forced to tolerate you." 

I may have unhealthy relationships with books. I may need librarian intervention. "Just put the book down."

At least I have some self-control when it comes to human relationships, otherwise there'd be no hope for me at all. And I need all of the hope I can get if I'm going to survive the 3 Day Novel Contest.


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