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I Must Enjoy Making Things More Complicated

3/8/2014

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Because of my epic NaNo fail this past November, I did vow to do CampNaNo, both sessions. Now, this seemed like a good idea when the first camp was months away. Well now it's just a few weeks away and I've realized that my odds of avoiding my next epic fail are not in my favour. Not only do I already lack time/justification to sit down and write, but April will not be in any better. Now, I did come up with a scheme to help me. One of the reasons that I believe my November novel was really difficult to get through is that I misjudged the format. The story is so visual in my head that I think I was suffocating it with description. So my thought to salvage the story, which I still like, is to change from novel to graphic novel format. Which basically will just leave me with a skeleton script until I magically produce a network of artistically inclined individuals whom I trust, both to understand the world inside my head and to not say "I want to illustrate for you!" and then disappear into the world of "I've been super busy lately" for the next 5 years... As much as I love all of my friends and acquaintances, the enthusiastic support that leads to initial promises that never get kept are why I (possibly in vain) to keep my work to myself. I believe that you mean well, and that you are truly super excited, but whether it's for editing, BETA, or illustrations, "at somepoint when the stuff you actually want to do isn't in the way" is a long time for me to wait. And as cruel as this may sound, that I don't respect that I am not your first priority in life, the truth is that having any work so close to being complete that you can taste it, and yet having zero control over those last few stages is painful. It's like having a child that you've been enthusiastically preparing for the first day of school, and they've picked out their clothes, their school supplies, and cataloged all  the cool stuff they will bring to "show and tell" for the next 15 years, and as the little tyke's face is pressed against the livingroom window, waiting for that yellow school bus to drive in front of the house, you hear on the news that the teachers are all on strike, and you have no idea when that school bus will be coming, and your little one looks up at you everyday with tears in his eyes wanting to know what he did wrong to not be able to go to the wonderful place you've told him about all summer, and you do your best to explain to him that it's not his fault, that other people are just trying to work through some important things, but when they've finished, everything will be alright again... but every morning you have this same conversation because the strike is still on... and you can see that innocent little being already start to lose faith in humanity...

Creative works aren't like homework that you just "get around to" here and there. It's a life unto itself. So it's painful to have its fate out of your hands.

Now I do know the counter argument to this. Somewhere out there is an illustrator or graphic artist screaming at the screen "stop asking your friends and hire someone!". I know this because of how often I read threads about artists who are fed up with being asked to work countless hours for free. I totally understand. And believe me, if I have a graphic novel script in my hand, I am 100% looking to hire rather than to belittle the hardwork that goes into their creative genius. But it just seems unfortunate that in knowing some amazing artistic people who I would love to support, I just don't have the heart to ruin a friendship over a joint project. In summary, I would love to be able to work with my friends, but I don't trust that I wouldn't get all pissy about something along the way...

Hey look, a spontaneous rant. I must be over due for a blog post. Anyway, what I was going to say is that while graphic novel script seemed like the best way for me to approach Camp NaNo, which admittedly after my last attempt I am finding really hard to take seriously as a NaNo event, I was haunted by a dream that had "new novel!" written all over it. I know that it's very common for stories to come out of dreams, but I don't think I've ever had one pretty much come out 95% intact. That's what happened on Wednesday night. Had a crazy dream about things I can't even begin to place what movie/book/life event inspired. I've already put the synopsis up on my Camp profile, but in short it's about an alien race of gaseous beings... and a romance, and the end of the world. I don't know how this happened, but it all began with a phone call that my mother made me make to some guy I have never met, and he was a total purposeful asshole on the phone. Somehow this leads into all of the sci-fi stuff... the things that go on in my head when no one's at the helm...

So now I am quite possibly dedicating myself to a new novel, which doesn't make things easier on me, and adding a new title to the lineup I already have formed. I had 2 possible graphic novel projects which would have worked out perfectly for both camps. And normally I don't allow line-cutting. Then Freakhouse happened but that proved to be exactly what I needed in my life at the time. So I'm going to try this random dream idea and see how it fairs. Luckily the whole thing plays out in my head in fragments, and I have figured out why it does that, so writing it in fragments should be an interesting approach for me. It could also lead me to disregarding it as a complete story and abandon it. 

I'm also feeling guilty about trying to start a new project in under a month when I'm still on the first chapter of Knightsbridge editing. But, it's not April yet, so we'll see what happens come April 1st... and what keeps going by April 10th... no promises. 

Stay tuned!
http://campnanowrimo.org/campers/olanthea/novels
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